Whew…where to start? So there’s a Werewolf Cathedral.

Jeez…I’m really sorry, but I just don’t know how to go about beginning to describe this. There’s a lot of information to disseminate, and I’ve been sitting here for a few minutes trying to get this going, but it’s like my brain won’t function properly—almost as if someone placed a “death curse” on my mind! One thing I do know: none of these werewolves are getting mitzvahed—they hate Judeo-Christian/Abrahimic religion!

Basically, High Priest Christopher Belmont Johnson (not to be confused with Christopher Belmont of NES classic Castlevania fame—though it does seem EXTREMELY coincidental. Go ahead and confuse them; Chris would probably be flattered) will welcome you into the pack for the low, low price of $10.00 (or rupies, if you prefer). This pittance will get you the following items: a wooden sword, a heart container, access to the “Members Only” section of the website, and the opportunity to meet other members in person and move up the ranks toward priesthood. And fear not if you’re a member of Team Edward; so is High Priestess Angel Wolf, and she’s married to High Priest Johnson (awkward! I hope Hollywood makes a holiday rom-com about this! BOX. OFFICE. GOLD.)

10 rupies too rich for your non-lycan blood? That’s cool; get your feet wet with The Manifesto of the Wolf, free at your local web browser. And remember: respect the whip!

Related:

(Via Salon.com, home of hard-hitting news!)