There are a lot of directions I could go in with this post. But I worry about alienating those of you with kids and/or drinking problems (though they usually go hand-in-hand, don’t they?)

And really, the picture says it all, and by “it all”, I mean “babies love getting loaded on chocolate-covered whiskey.”

Duh.

For more drunken, drooling cuteness, click.

(Via Liqurious, courtesy of Adrienne — I think.)

I am a man, and thus inherently lazy. So anytime I can kill two pigs with one angry bird, I’m excited.

You see, we threw a NYE party on Saturday, and one of our trays was filled with these delicious little bite-sized Asian summer rolls served with a ginger-sesame-miso dipping sauce that was pretty out of this world. However, ginger (being the kick-ass root that it is) is insanely potent — you don’t need much to give something a ginger-y kick.

Unfortunately, it’s sold in its raw, natural state, and we always end up with way more than we need, and struggle to come up with ways to use what’s left. Man cannot live on stir-fry alone.

Thank goodness for this cocktail recipe, though! Courtesy of Nick at CocktailRemedy.com, it features a lot of stuff I like. However, I’d probably make a couple substitutions:

Pear Ginger Smash
(makes 1 drink) 

Ingredients:

1/2 pear, wedged and cored
.5 oz. lime juice
1.5 oz. whiskey (Ed. note: Because I’m a wuss and can’t man-up enough to enjoy whiskey, I’d probably use a nice mid-priced cognac or brandy instead, or some dark rum in a pinch.)
.5 oz. Domaine de Canton ginger liqueur (Ed. note: See Nick’s comment below re: ginger syrup — I’d use that instead since I’m trying to get rid of this ginger!)
Ginger Ale (Ed. note: I’d have to make two of these: one with ginger ale, and one with ginger beer. I ordered a Dark & Stormy once that was made with ginger ale, and it was abyssmal, so I’m inclined to use ginger beer instead since I can control the sweetness by adding as much or as little ginger syrup as I want, rather than taking what the corn lobby gives me with their dreaded high-fructose corn syrup. Corn; I say thee, nay!)

To make:

Muddle the pear and lime juice until the pear is pulverized. Add the rest of the ingredients, ice and shake vigorously in a cocktail shaker. Strain with a julep strainer over ice. I like the julep strainer because it has larger holes and tiny bits of fruit can escape into the drink. Which I love. If you’d rather a smoother drink, a regular cocktail strainer will do. Then, top with ginger ale.

The Domaine de Canton is a nice way to add ginger flavor to your drink, and an interesting alternative to ginger syrup. Though, they’re probably somewhat interchangeable here.

(Ed. note: I was just thinking that dropping in 2-3 small pieces of candied ginger might also be a nice touch, but between the ginger ale/beer and ginger syrup, be careful not to kill that delicate pear flavor!)

Smirnoff? Absolut? Seagram’s?! NO, Michael Bay. No.

I get that you need to offer parents some way to dull the pain of sitting through your lump of childhood-ruining waste, but this is not the way. In fact, I cannot think of a WORSE way to add another $8 on top of a $12 ticket than being forced to drink “Michael Bay’s X-Plode Juice” while losing two hours of my life. $20 to be trapped in a life-sucking machine? Talk about a Pit of Despair.

(If this Youtube analogy causes Michael Bay to re-make Princess Bride, I will jump right out my f@#king window.)

(Via ForkParty.com)

Since I first posted about the crazy, nasty-ass honey badger back in February, he and his human avatar Randall have taken the internet by storm. Randall has since added to his collection of animal bio-pics, but the general consensus amongst the people I talk to is that none can hold a candle to Mr. Honey Badger.

Which is why it is absolutely NO surprise that he has inspired a shot, courtesy of Camper English of the Alcademics blog:

The Honey Badger
1 part Laphraoig single-malt scotch whisky
1 part Wild Turkey American Honey

Add scotch, then honey liqueur to a shot glass. Say “Honey badger don’t care,” then down the shot.

According to English, “The drink is sweet coming in, but nice and smoky on the finish. It’s kind of delicious.”

I can’t speak from experience (as you well know by now, I am not in the habit of drinking or owning scotch, whiskey, bourbon, or anything close to it), but am willing to give it a shot (get it?!), especially since I received a bottle of the aforementioned Wild Turkey American Honey from my mom for Christmas (that is how the Snow family rolls during the holidays—large crowds, lotsa booze. Jesus drank wine—I’m sure He’s cool with it.) Also, to paraphrase Chandler Bing, could there be any more parentheticals in this post?!

(Via Alcademics.com)

In general, I’m kind of a pushover. I really love pleasing people; even complete strangers. Working for 8 years in retail only made this condition worse: I was trained from an early age to please people above all else.

And it’s a tough habit to shake; even now, I straighten messy shelves in stores, put things where they belong if I find them out of place (to my wife’s chagrin, this does not extend to our home), and say “please”, “thank you”, and “have a nice day” with the kind of sincerity and frequency that would make Oscar The Grouch vomit all over the inside of his trashcan.

Therefore, it’s incredibly jarring when I see people (grown adults mind you, not children) behaving badly in public. Being rude to servers and desk clerks, causing scenes, using coarse language when kids are within earshot. Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens in pretty much every possible social situation across the board, but seems to be especially prevalent in restaurants and bars. So when we were at our favorite bar a few weeks back and chatting with Chris and Ana, a couple of the bartenders who were off for the evening and just there for a couple of drinks, we asked what customers did that most annoyed them. I thought it would make a good blog post, and since it’s of the list variety, it allows me to discuss booze TWICE this week!

And so, the top five things that will piss off your bartender:

5. Getting pissy if something you want isn’t available, no matter how common: “We had this guy that came in a few days in a row. Each time, he asked for Bud Light. Each time, I explained that we didn’t have any. I finally kinda lost it and just said, “Sir, we don’t CARRY it. We will NEVER carry it. I can get you something better, but I can’t get you that.”"

4. Don’t haggle over the cost of a drink: “There’s an extremely annoying regular at the other bar I work at, and one time he ordered a drink and asked for it to be made with a specific brand of rum. I explained that we didn’t have that, but I could make it with something else. He agreed, but then when it was time for him to pay his tab, he started trying to haggle with me because he “knew” the substitute rum was less-expensive than what he’d originally requested. It costs what it costs; this isn’t a flea market.”

3. Trust your bartender: “This doesn’t annoy us as much as it makes us laugh, but when you come up to the bar and ask for, say, a round of Cuervo shots, and we explain we don’t have any, but we have something better that costs the same, and then you give us a skeptical look and say “Better than Cuervo?” as though we’re mad, it cracks us up.” Bartenders drink. A lot. And yes, there are some spirits that are empirically better-tasting than the stuff that’s widely-available and heavily-advertised. Trust your bartenders, they won’t steer you wrong; after all, they want your tips.

2. Don’t be a cheapskate: “Thank you’s” are nice, but they don’t pay the rent. And I’m not saying you should empty your wallets for a guy or girl that’s just popping the top off a bottle and handing it to you without so much as a smile, but tipping is how we do things in America. 15% of the tab is acceptable, but I always shoot for 20%. 25% if the service is great and I’m friendly with the staff (which it usually is and I usually am at Bad Decisions).

1. It’s not your TV, so don’t ask for the remote: Unless you’re in what can reasonably be termed a “sports bar”, don’t bug the bartender about changing the channel. If you want to scream at the television for three hours while replacing the blood in your body with a crappy domestic light beer, go to the sports bar across the street or just stay home. If you walk into a quiet place and everyone is laughing at an episode of Archer or Chappelle’s Show, you are probably in the wrong place to begin with.

So much new art to share with you today, you guys. First, there’s Whale Trip, a lysergic odyssey of large proportions. Then, there’s International Boozing; the globe, re-imagined for those of us who do most of our cultural explorations with our livers:

But the art train doesn’t stop there! We have FIVE new designs from guest artist Hidden Eloise! The Last Red Rose, Baroness, The Pearl, Longing, and I’ll Make The Ocean My Home:

Talk about bad idea jeans. I hate whiskey to begin with, and I can’t imagine the tinny taste of aluminum is going to help matters much. Oh, and don’t be fooled by the name “Scottish Spirits”, either. This shizz is coming to your dome-piece straight from that storied producer of whiskey, Panama. Hence the misspelling of “whisky” on the can. Never change, Panama.

Sorry this post isn’t a tad longer, but I just don’t have it in me (literally); beer and gin got in a fight in my stomach last night, and I lost.

(Via Tosh.0)

We all know about my well-documented interactions with whiskey and its close siblings bourbon and scotch. I’d liken it to getting smacked around periodically by the Hanson brothers (Slapshot, not Mmmm…bop!) But certain social situations call for imbibing “the brown satan”, and based on how you’d like the night to go, you may be well-served by reading The Complete Lunatic’s Guide to the 5 Best Sipping Whiskeys, courtesy of Cracked.

I can tell you just by the description therein: I am a Redbreast man.

Wow. Maybe old people are right when they whine about how much better the past was! I especially love that slogan: “Night-before feeling on the morning after.” This is a good thing? This is something people craved back in the day? “Gee, I really miss the refreshing, clean sensation of irresponsibility and danger I so thoroughly enjoyed last night… if only there was a product that captured that same feeling, but was socially acceptable for me to enjoy throughout the day?” The perfect lead-in to that three-martini lunch with the swell fellows from accounting!

Next stop: Wino-town. For serious alcoholics, the only reasonable follow-up would be this absinthe dental floss. Lushtastic.