In general, I’m kind of a pushover. I really love pleasing people; even complete strangers. Working for 8 years in retail only made this condition worse: I was trained from an early age to please people above all else.
And it’s a tough habit to shake; even now, I straighten messy shelves in stores, put things where they belong if I find them out of place (to my wife’s chagrin, this does not extend to our home), and say “please”, “thank you”, and “have a nice day” with the kind of sincerity and frequency that would make Oscar The Grouch vomit all over the inside of his trashcan.
Therefore, it’s incredibly jarring when I see people (grown adults mind you, not children) behaving badly in public. Being rude to servers and desk clerks, causing scenes, using coarse language when kids are within earshot. Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens in pretty much every possible social situation across the board, but seems to be especially prevalent in restaurants and bars. So when we were at our favorite bar a few weeks back and chatting with Chris and Ana, a couple of the bartenders who were off for the evening and just there for a couple of drinks, we asked what customers did that most annoyed them. I thought it would make a good blog post, and since it’s of the list variety, it allows me to discuss booze TWICE this week!
And so, the top five things that will piss off your bartender:
5. Getting pissy if something you want isn’t available,no matter how common: “We had this guy that came in a few days in a row. Each time, he asked for Bud Light. Each time, I explained that we didn’t have any. I finally kinda lost it and just said, “Sir, we don’t CARRY it. We will NEVER carry it. I can get you something better, but I can’t get you that.”"
4. Don’t haggle over the cost of a drink: “There’s an extremely annoying regular at the other bar I work at, and one time he ordered a drink and asked for it to be made with a specific brand of rum. I explained that we didn’t have that, but I could make it with something else. He agreed, but then when it was time for him to pay his tab, he started trying to haggle with me because he “knew” the substitute rum was less-expensive than what he’d originally requested. It costs what it costs; this isn’t a flea market.”
3. Trust your bartender: “This doesn’t annoy us as much as it makes us laugh, but when you come up to the bar and ask for, say, a round of Cuervo shots, and we explain we don’t have any, but we have something better that costs the same, and then you give us a skeptical look and say “Better than Cuervo?” as though we’re mad, it cracks us up.” Bartenders drink. A lot. And yes, there are some spirits that are empirically better-tasting than the stuff that’s widely-available and heavily-advertised. Trust your bartenders, they won’t steer you wrong; after all, they want your tips.
2. Don’t be a cheapskate: “Thank you’s” are nice, but they don’t pay the rent. And I’m not saying you should empty your wallets for a guy or girl that’s just popping the top off a bottle and handing it to you without so much as a smile, but tipping is how we do things in America. 15% of the tab is acceptable, but I always shoot for 20%. 25% if the service is great and I’m friendly with the staff (which it usually is and I usually am at Bad Decisions).
1. It’s not your TV, so don’t ask for the remote: Unless you’re in what can reasonably be termed a “sports bar”, don’t bug the bartender about changing the channel. If you want to scream at the television for three hours while replacing the blood in your body with a crappy domestic light beer, go to the sports bar across the street or just stay home. If you walk into a quiet place and everyone is laughing at an episode of Archer or Chappelle’s Show, you are probably in the wrong place to begin with.
March is awesome for a number of reasons: the weather gets a teensy bit warmer (I can rock a hoodie without hiding it under a winter coat), baseball returns from its 3 1/2 month hiatus (my wife wishes it would stay away permanently), and I move from beer & wine mode into something a bit more fun—spring cocktails!
Taylor Mathis is a NC-based food photographer who also dabbles in foodie-ism and mixology on his blog Taylor Takes A Taste. He recently wrote a post about his adventures in spirit-infusion that got me super-excited for even warmer weather.
In it, he describes his usual process for infusing stuff like vodka. Some important tips he shares:
1. Be patient: Infusing takes time (about 2-3 weeks), and until you’ve done it a few times, it might be up to snuff based on the need to adjust ratios of the flavors you’re attempting to infuse.
2. Surface area is key: The more surface area of the flavorings you expose to the spirit(s), the more flavorful the end product will be. Unless you’re dealing with citrus rinds (which contain potent oils that contain intense flavor without the acidity of the fruit’s actual juices), you’ll want to remove as many impediments as possible; skins, seeds, etc. Note that Taylor slices his cranberries in half—otherwise very little of the tart flavor of the berries is going to pass through the tough skin.
The most exciting thing about infusing spirits is its relative ease—it doesn’t involve the expensive equipment and long wait that beer-brewing requires. Definitely a fun weekend project worth looking into.
And I highly recommend poking around the rest of Taylor’s site to see some very impressive food photography!
I found web designer Chris Beucheler’s blog earlier today, and a recent post of his really piqued my interest, in which he offered suggestions of how to best go about stocking a home bar. He created a fancy table that included the kinds of liquor he’d recommend, along with specific brands, based on either a “Budget” or “Moderate” price point.
What’s so great about an exercise like this is that it combines two things I love: booze and making lists. It’s also such a wholly subjective undertaking that it can’t help but spark debate, both in terms of what each of us would deem an “essential” variety of spirit, and within that classification what brand in particular we prefer.
Now, I’m by no means the mixologist that Chris seems to be—my wife tends to be the brilliant mad scientist in the house when it comes to whipping up awesome libations. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have my preferences.
For instance, while Chris thinks that light rum is optional if you’re on a budget because it can be substituted with a golden rum, I disagree. Now, I don’t drink a lot of light rum, but I do LOVE me some of the dark stuff. Myers tends to be the go-to for most bars, but I prefer Gosling’s Black Seal. It’s great in a well-mixed Dark ‘n’ Stormy. But by way of contrast, it probably is best to have a lighter rum around the house for things like a mojito, but I tend to prefer bold, robust flavors, so I probably wouldn’t be averse to keeping a golden rum around for that in lieu of a light one.
I also would take Grey Goose over Belvedere in the vodka category, and completely skip the Tanqueray gin in favor of a bottle of Bombay Sapphire to pair with the Hendrick’s, depending on the cocktail (Bombay for something really juniper-forward, Hendrick’s for something involving cucumbers). I would probably also spring for Applejack over Courvoisier VS for brandy, just because I like the apple flavor, which often complements the drinks (and desserts!) I make using brandy.
Meanwhile, I am NOT much of a bourbon/whiskey/scotch/rye guy (as has been mentioned here in the past), so I can’t really speak to the positives or negatives of Chris’s selections.
But again, I could go on and on removing and replacing my own choices here. And as he says, “Obviously I’ve not tried every liquor on the market, and this list reflects my personal tastes.”
So what do you guys think? What are your “gotta have” spirits? Let me know in the comments section below!
I love salads. Actually, no, I LOVE salads. Big, dirty salads with every kind of garden veggie present, drizzled with a nice Italian or vinaigrette. But the star of a salad, for me, is always always always the tomato. So it stands to reason that in the absence of lettuce, carrots, celery, etc, a simple Caprese insalata will always be a great, simple alternative: tomatoes, mozzarella, fresh basil and balsamic reduction.
As the weather’s been cooling off, it’s made me crave tomatoes even more, knowing the really awesome in-season ones at the store and from my garden won’t be around much longer.
So what better way to send off the wondrous fruit until next summer than a toast with a tomato-based martini?
This recipe is from TasteOfOregon.com, and originally called a tomato martini, but I feel like that conjures images of something akin to a Bloody Mary, rather than the crisp, clean light cocktail pictured above. To obtain the tomato water called for, check out the following from Saveur.
To make:
Mix 2 parts tomato water with 1 part vodka (I bet a cucumber-infused vodka would be great with this, or perhaps Hendrick’s gin, which has a subtle cucumber flavor) in a chilled martini glass
Rub rim of glass with fresh basil leaf
Garnish with cocktail spear containing grape tomatoes, bite-sized fresh mozzarella ball, and fresh basil leaves
This recipe is pretty open to modification; I think a very teensy drizzle of reduced balsamic vinegar would be a nice addition—feel free to add your own!
For vegans, I think Teese vegan mozzarella is the best bet as a non-dairy alternative to the real thing, as the logs it comes in are most conducive to converting into balls. For the authentic look and flavor, try using a small melon-baller and soaking the balls in some lemon-water for a few minutes before garnishing.
First off, apparently Science got the memo AND the apology: they’ve stepped up and grown liver cells out of skin cells. This is a small but important stepping stone in the pursuit of consequence-free binge drinking. Thanks, Science!
Secondly, as I mentioned the other day, the good folks at Drinkwel have offered to pony up some free samples of their little miracle drug. To that end, I think it would be beneficial (strictly for the purposes of scientific research) to approach this whole thing like an experiment. So based on the number of pills they send, I’ll be dividing up my drinking into three phases comprised of an equal number of days. Phase I will focus on Drinkwel’s efficacy on beer, Phase II on wine, and Phase III on mixed drinks. I briefly contemplated a Phase IV involving all three, but I don’t hate my liver that much.
Here’s where I need your help: to keep the variables to a minimum, I’ll need to select one beer for Phase I; I can’t hop from Miller Light to Blue Moon to Resurrection Ale. I need a constant alcohol by volume percentage. What shall I drink? Same for mixed drinks; I’m leaning toward mojitos or dark & stormy’s, but am always open to suggestions (that don’t involve whiskey, bourbon or scotch—this is supposed to be fun, remember?) Leave your recommendations in the comments!
So, a few of you may remember my apoplectic diatribe from last Tuesday calling out Science for it’s consistent failure to bring about the wondrous future-stuffs we’d been promised from birth. It was pretty intense.
Well, now I’m wondering if maybe I was a little too quick on the trigger. Apparently, Science was tackling something useful to us (and by “us” I mean “me”): a cure for the common hangover.
drinkwel is the first multivitamin specifically formulated for people that drink alcohol. Our 30-ingredient, doctor-formulated multivitamin will help you replenish nutrients, support healthy liver function, and improve the way you’ll feel the next day.*
OK. Now, you may have noticed that little asterisk tacked on to the end there? Well, it refers to the following disclaimer:
This product does not prevent intoxication, alcohol poisoning, alcohol abuse, or utter stupidity. Please drink responsibly. Never drink and drive! Do not consume alcohol if you are not of the legal age to do so, while pregnant or nursing. The statements on the www.drinkwel.com website have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. drinkwel is not intended to diagnose, mitigate, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
As with all supplements, consult a physician before taking drinkwel or if you believe you may have a dependency on alcohol. We support responsible drinking and DO NOT support underage drinking, excessive drinking, binge drinking or any unsafe drinking whatsoever.
Legal ass-coverage FTW!
Now, down to the nitty gritty: how much does a scientific miracle cost? $1.33 a day. When using as directed, imbibers are supposed to take THREE Drinkwel pills A DAY. Even on days when they’re not drinking! Add three MORE pills before bed after a night of drinking. Ostensibly, this will keep an elevated level of the nutrients and minerals alcohol leeches out of you in your system at all times, so that after a night of drinking, you’re merely reduced to normal levels of said nutrients and minerals. However, this also equates to an extra six Dixie cups a day of water above and beyond normal H2O intake. And aren’t water and time supposed to be the only weapons we have to combat hangovers? I think that’s what my high school health teacher used to say (thanks, Coach Franklin!)
So I’m smelling a little placebo in the air right now. What do you guys think?
It was impossible to decide on how this clip should be classified—Thirsty Thursday, or Fuzzy Friday? You know, a philosophical conundrum for the ages. The kind of unanswerable question that would have prompted Socrates to fill up Uncle Scrooge’s money bin with hemlock and swim around in it.
Well, this is simultaneously depressing and awe-inspiring. Lester Hutt of BevShots had the brilliant idea of creating photographic prints of booze droplets as they appear when magnified 10,000x. The resulting abstract masterpieces are enough to make any creative type want to curl up in the fetal position, lick the booze right off the slides and cry, because honestly — how can we possibly compete with nature?
It’s been so… damn… hot!!! Over 100 degrees. Too hot to cook. So last night we made Gazpacho, with booze of course. Our gazpacho got its kick with a hefty doze of Absolut Peppar. Yum!
What’s in the soup:
6 whole cloves garlic
3 large heirloom tomatoes, chopped
1 large cucumber, diced
3 medium celery stalks, diced finely
1 bell pepper, chopped
2 Tbs parsley, chopped
2 Tbs basil, chopped
1/4 cup chives, minced finely
1/2 cup red wine vinegar
3 oz Absolut Peppar (or more if you like, I used 3 oz)
salt, to taste
pepper, to taste
Tabasco, to taste
1 avocado, sliced (garnish, optional)
Typically this is a raw soup, but I like my garlic roasted, so I take the 6 cloves, put them in a small ramekin with enough olive oil to cover them and roast them at 400 degrees for about 10-15 minutes. Then I set them aside to cool. Once cooled, I chop them up and throw them in a pot with all the other ingredients. I use my stick blender to turn everything into a nicely pureed soup.
You’re supposed to put your gazpacho in the fridge to chill for a few hours, but if you’re impatient like me, nothing awful will happen if you skip this step.
I like to serve my gazpacho topped with a couple of avocado slices, but it’s not necessary if you don’t care for avocado, or garnishes. (Although if it’s the latter, WTF?! Who doesn’t like garnishes?)
P.S. I am giving away a $35.00 gift card through Raffle Dog. Please be sure to enter by Saturday if you want to win some free Ex-Boyfriend goodness.
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