It’s been a while (well, a few weeks) since Japan teamed up with Science to give me nightmares—guess they wanted to give the first few episodes of season two of The Walking Dead a few at-bats in my mindscape—but they are back on the job and better (worse?) than ever:
Basically, these are what will be applauding the zombie herds from the sidelines as they chase me through the southeast in my dreams. Because relentless undead hordes need a cheering section.
Saturday was the first annual Baltimore Run For Your Lives zombie 5K obstacle race, and this guy had a front-row seat!
The race was very much a full-day affair, with the first group of runners heading out into the course at 8am and the last one crossing the finish line around 6pm, followed by live music until midnight! This of course meant that Meredith and I had to get to the event around 5am to finish setting up our booth before the attendees showed up for registration at 6am—which meant a 3am wake-up to load the car up for a 4am departure time!
Totally worth it, though—a very fun experience, and a great place to meet new fans and make new friends.
I even snapped some pictures throughout the day, though I had to wait until around 7:30 or 8 for the sun to come up and get over the treeline. Here’s the booth in the early morning—we were soooo excited to see the sun, and big-ups to the folks in the Funtastic Foods tent for keeping us warm with a steady stream of hot chocolate!
The event area itself was the perfect setting for a mock-zombie apocalypse: remote, lots of forest, and very cold and overcast for much of the day. Our stuff went over really well, and it was especially gratifying to see my newest designs get lots of love from the crowd, though pretty much every design I’d brought with us carried its weight—it’s always nice to see that Fuzz has still got it! Even nicer to see older fans already in-the-know:
I love this sort of thing—I imagine it’s a lot like being a musician and never getting sick of hearing your song on the radio.
All in all, it was a great day, but really long—the booth pretty much looked like this from 8:20am (around the time the first survivors made it to the finish line) until we started packing up around 8pm:
And sad as I was initially that I had to work the booth instead of run the course, I eventually realized it was definitely for the best; way too many reports of broken legs, serious cuts and gashes, and sprained ankles, not to mention that fact that there were two water obstacles that necessitated running around in soaked shorts & tees in sub-55˚ weather, followed by a thorough hosing down to remove caked-on mud. The weather was miserable enough being dry and fully-clothed, thank you very much!
But ultimately everyone seemed to have a blast—especially this guy:
Many thanks to all the new fans I met this weekend! And those of you who couldn’t make it, fear not and remember, you can take 10% off your purchase now through the end of October by entering the coupon code HALLOWEEN10 at checkout! And Philly fans—we’re coming back up in December for R5 Productions’ Punk Rock Flea Market! $3 gets you inside to shop for awesome holiday gifts from a variety of vendors, and I’ll be there with new stuff on shirts, bags & belts! Even better: it’s indoors! Hope to see you all there:)
My wife hates when I go off-topic and ramble in these posts, but a quick thought before the cuteness: sometimes, sticking to a pretty consistent blog schedule sucks—not everything I find interesting/funny/awesome fits the mold.
I know the last few months have seen a few holes pop up each week with nonexistent posts on various days, but Mystery Monday, Top Ten/Title This Tuesday, WTF Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday and Fuzzy Friday helps me focus on stuff that 1) interests me, 2) interests you (hopefully), 3) is (relatively) easily digested and quick to find and/or report on, and 4) provides the illusion of consistency when I’m out there in the wild trying to grow Ex-Boyfriend and am too busy to post every single day, or am out there in the wild trying to recover and recharge from doing exactly that.
The unofficial fifth benefit of the schedule is that when scary, tragic, horrible shit happens, it prevents me from going nuts and saying rash things on the internet (aka Eternity’s Big Book of Evidence and Embarrassment).
This is me taking a very long time to say I’m glad that what happened in Zanesville, Ohio earlier this week didn’t happen last night, or this post would probably be text-only, with “F@#K HUMANS!” in super-huge type. Jurassic Park was fun, guys, but a cloned tiger born and bred in a lab is not the same as one from the jungle—not even Science is that smart.
Once they’re gone, they’re gone.
(Photo courtesy of Marwell Wildlife Park and ZooBorns.com)
Can’t you just take ONE WEEK OFF from fomenting NIGHTMARES in my mind-grapes?! Do you know what kind of person sits around and thinks “Hey, what if we INGEST our perfumes instead of spraying it on topically? That’s TOTALLY something EVERYBODY’S been waiting for us to develop.”?
A CRAZY person. And, god bless him, let’s not forget what happened when Mr. Wonka tried to develop similar technology:
In FORTY YEARS the most we’ve been able to advance is going from anthropomorphic blueberries to weird, moist Edward Cullen lookalikes. Does this look like progress to you?!
Lomie Puckett stoically protecting her home from demolition to make way for the Golden State Freeway, or the jerk who was threatening demolition in the first place:
Either way, I’m interested in your own take on what’s going down on Lomie’s front porch! Leave your captions in the comments section below
(Pic of Lomie via Black and WTF; pic of Judge Doom via Warner Bros.)
Seriously, WTF?! This thing is disgusting. I’ve never been grossed out by snails the way I am by slugs, even though they’re basically the same thing, but with houses on their backs. But this is just gross. And what’s worse? They’re illegal immigrants.
That’s right—some dumb kid Bart Simpson-ed these onto our continent back in 1965 when he snuck two back from a Hawaiian vacation in his pocket. Guess what? They were feeling pretty amorous, because it took Florida’s Dept. of Agriculture 10 years and 1 million dollars to successfully eradicate the SEVENTEEN THOUSAND snails that popped up after little Johnny brought his new pets home. Unfortunately, people idiots have begun smuggling them back into the U.S. recently.
So what exactly can these hideous things do?
• Grow to be 10 inches long
• Leave a slimy trail of excrement wherever they go
• Harbor the microscopic rat-lung worm, which can transmit meningitis to humans
• Eat garbage and pet food that’s been left out
• They’ve developed a taste for the stucco facades popular on Florida homes and can therefore EAT YOUR HOUSE.
Look, I love robots as a concept. Cats riding around on them while they clean my house. A red & blue semi that protects us from Decepticons. Pudgy maids sassing me as I swallow my three-course breakfast pill before I head off to work in my flying suitcase-car. These are just a couple of the things that excited me about the future as a little kid. MABEL, however, is a little too much T1000, not enough Hedonism-Bot:
That’s right—scientists at the University of Michigan have developed a robot that can outrun the average person. And honestly, it’s not the speed that makes this frightening—it’s the combination of MABEL’s appearance and the ominous sound of “her” metallic legs clanking along as it circles this track.
Even if this story is completely fabricated and the photo-bombing completely doctored, I don’t think any of us would put it past a shark to pull this shit just for its own murderous giggles.
Jeez…I’m really sorry, but I just don’t know how to go about beginning to describe this. There’s a lot of information to disseminate, and I’ve been sitting here for a few minutes trying to get this going, but it’s like my brain won’t function properly—almost as if someone placed a “death curse” on my mind! One thing I do know: none of these werewolves are getting mitzvahed—they hate Judeo-Christian/Abrahimic religion!
Basically, High Priest Christopher Belmont Johnson (not to be confused with Christopher Belmont of NES classic Castlevania fame—though it does seem EXTREMELY coincidental. Go ahead and confuse them; Chris would probably be flattered) will welcome you into the pack for the low, low price of $10.00 (or rupies, if you prefer). This pittance will get you the following items: a wooden sword, a heart container, access to the “Members Only” section of the website, and the opportunity to meet other members in person and move up the ranks toward priesthood. And fear not if you’re a member of Team Edward; so is High Priestess Angel Wolf, and she’s married to High Priest Johnson (awkward! I hope Hollywood makes a holiday rom-com about this! BOX. OFFICE. GOLD.)
10 rupies too rich for your non-lycan blood? That’s cool; get your feet wet with The Manifesto of the Wolf, free at your local web browser. And remember: respect the whip!
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