Spielberg wisely left this nugget on the cutting-room floor:

Add your captions in the comments section below! Winner gets the self-satisfaction of knowing that they made the best joke about Nazis presenting a kitten with a dandelion and a grenade EVER!

(Via Cracked.com)

Pardon my French, but sh*t like this makes me want to cut a b*tch:

(Via Daily Picks And Flicks)

I’m not sure how I missed this, but apparently an insane person broke into the facility housing the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland back in April of 2010.

Let me break it down for you: this kid with zero security clearance was found inside the facility wearing “weird” clothes (I wear tweed sport coats all the time—I’m not weird, I just went through a very serious Belle & Sebastian phase in the late 90s) and rummaging around in some trashcans and was immediately arrested. During questioning, he claimed his name was Eloi Cole and that he was searching for fuel for his “time machine power unit” (police reports indicated this device looked a lot like a kitchen blender) when he was discovered. He also revealed that he had traveled back in time to sabotage the Collider:

“Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I’m here to stop it ever happening.”

Kids these days!

Seriously, how stupid are the Swiss & French police to be so confused by this? Weird clothes + garbage-fueled time machine that looks like something made by Cuisinart = an idiot who’s basically a real-life Cable Guy because his parents let him watch the Back to the Future trilogy way too much as a kid:

“Yes, Marty. You two do become assholes in the future!”

While I fully agree with Eloi that Kit-Kats are Satan’s candy, eating them seems like an alright trade-off for limitless energy and the elimination of poverty. Maybe he’s a big Ayn Rand fan.

But the most distressing aspect of this whole story is that security at the Collider is so lax that this nut-job was able to waltz right in, and that the police were CLEARLY not concerned about it, or the fact that he then escaped from the mental hospital they took him to post-questioning:

Mr. Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered.

Switzerland, just because you’re neutral about everything doesn’t mean you get to be lazy, too.

For your consideration: two piping-hot, fresh off the sketch-pad designs to kick-start your holiday wish lists!

First up is my transit map homage to the world of Lewis Carroll, helping you get around Wonderland & Looking-Glass Land with ease!

Next we have this pretty rad romantic interlude between Red Riding Hood and The Big, Bad Wolf called “Star Crossed”:

As usual, both designs are available in men’s and ladies’ sizes on a variety of styles. If you like ‘em, share ‘em! Visit the Facebook page and let me know what you think:)

Related Art:

Your tax dollars (disguised as grant money) at work:

According to Time Magazine, some brilliant psychologists in England requiring one more flimsy published study to secure tenure have concluded that some wine drinkers may perceive whatever they’re drinking as better or worse depending on what music is playing while they’re doing so.

So if you hate the band Disturbed (warning: not suitable for listening to. Ever.) and that friend of yours throws them on as part of their dinner party soundtrack in an attempt to be ironic, you may find the wine less tasty than if there was something more appropriately-ignore-able (think “sad Starbucks compilation CD”) playing in the background.

Of course, that sour taste in your mouth (TWSS?) could be because even the finest wine ever fermented tastes like shit when you’re chugging it in an effort to flee said dinner party and forget that you ever knew the host(s).

Thanks, Science. Now where’s my f@#king hoverboard?!!

It’s been a while (well, a few weeks) since Japan teamed up with Science to give me nightmares—guess they wanted to give the first few episodes of season two of The Walking Dead a few at-bats in my mindscape—but they are back on the job and better (worse?) than ever:

Basically, these are what will be applauding the zombie herds from the sidelines as they chase me through the southeast in my dreams. Because relentless undead hordes need a cheering section.

(Via io9.com)

Saturday was the first annual Baltimore Run For Your Lives zombie 5K obstacle race, and this guy had a front-row seat!

The race was very much a full-day affair, with the first group of runners heading out into the course at 8am and the last one crossing the finish line around 6pm, followed by live music until midnight! This of course meant that Meredith and I had to get to the event around 5am to finish setting up our booth before the attendees showed up for registration at 6am—which meant a 3am wake-up to load the car up for a 4am departure time!

Totally worth it, though—a very fun experience, and a great place to meet new fans and make new friends.

I even snapped some pictures throughout the day, though I had to wait until around 7:30 or 8 for the sun to come up and get over the treeline. Here’s the booth in the early morning—we were soooo excited to see the sun, and big-ups to the folks in the Funtastic Foods tent for keeping us warm with a steady stream of hot chocolate!

The event area itself was the perfect setting for a mock-zombie apocalypse: remote, lots of forest, and very cold and overcast for much of the day. Our stuff went over really well, and it was especially gratifying to see my newest designs get lots of love from the crowd, though pretty much every design I’d brought with us carried its weight—it’s always nice to see that Fuzz has still got it! Even nicer to see older fans already in-the-know:

I love this sort of thing—I imagine it’s a lot like being a musician and never getting sick of hearing your song on the radio.

All in all, it was a great day, but really long—the booth pretty much looked like this from 8:20am (around the time the first survivors made it to the finish line) until we started packing up around 8pm:

And sad as I was initially that I had to work the booth instead of run the course, I eventually realized it was definitely for the best; way too many reports of broken legs, serious cuts and gashes, and sprained ankles, not to mention that fact that there were two water obstacles that necessitated running around in soaked shorts & tees in sub-55˚ weather, followed by a thorough hosing down to remove caked-on mud. The weather was miserable enough being dry and fully-clothed, thank you very much!

But ultimately everyone seemed to have a blast—especially this guy:

Many thanks to all the new fans I met this weekend! And those of you who couldn’t make it, fear not and remember, you can take 10% off your purchase now through the end of October by entering the coupon code HALLOWEEN10 at checkout! And Philly fans—we’re coming back up in December for R5 Productions’ Punk Rock Flea Market! $3 gets you inside to shop for awesome holiday gifts from a variety of vendors, and I’ll be there with new stuff on shirts, bags & belts! Even better: it’s indoors! Hope to see you all there:)

My wife hates when I go off-topic and ramble in these posts, but a quick thought before the cuteness: sometimes, sticking to a pretty consistent blog schedule sucks—not everything I find interesting/funny/awesome fits the mold.

I know the last few months have seen a few holes pop up each week with nonexistent posts on various days, but Mystery Monday, Top Ten/Title This Tuesday, WTF Wednesday, Thirsty Thursday and Fuzzy Friday helps me focus on stuff that 1) interests me, 2) interests you (hopefully), 3) is (relatively) easily digested and quick to find and/or report on, and 4) provides the illusion of consistency when I’m out there in the wild trying to grow Ex-Boyfriend and am too busy to post every single day, or am out there in the wild trying to recover and recharge from doing exactly that.

The unofficial fifth benefit of the schedule is that when scary, tragic, horrible shit happens, it prevents me from going nuts and saying rash things on the internet (aka Eternity’s Big Book of Evidence and Embarrassment).

This is me taking a very long time to say I’m glad that what happened in Zanesville, Ohio earlier this week didn’t happen last night, or this post would probably be text-only, with “F@#K HUMANS!” in super-huge type. Jurassic Park was fun, guys, but a cloned tiger born and bred in a lab is not the same as one from the jungle—not even Science is that smart.

Once they’re gone, they’re gone.

(Photo courtesy of Marwell Wildlife Park and ZooBorns.com)

SWALLOWABLE PARFUM® from Lucy McRae on Vimeo.

Can’t you just take ONE WEEK OFF from fomenting NIGHTMARES in my mind-grapes?! Do you know what kind of person sits around and thinks “Hey, what if we INGEST our perfumes instead of spraying it on topically? That’s TOTALLY something EVERYBODY’S been waiting for us to develop.”?

A CRAZY person. And, god bless him, let’s not forget what happened when Mr. Wonka tried to develop similar technology:

In FORTY YEARS the most we’ve been able to advance is going from anthropomorphic blueberries to weird, moist Edward Cullen lookalikes. Does this look like progress to you?!

NO. DAVID. BLAINE.

(Via SpringWise.com)

I don’t know who’s more terrifying:

Lomie Puckett stoically protecting her home from demolition to make way for the Golden State Freeway, or the jerk who was threatening demolition in the first place:

Either way, I’m interested in your own take on what’s going down on Lomie’s front porch! Leave your captions in the comments section below

(Pic of Lomie via Black and WTF; pic of Judge Doom via Warner Bros.)