Sorry, guys—you’ve seen it, you can’t un-see it.

Seriously, WTF?! This thing is disgusting. I’ve never been grossed out by snails the way I am by slugs, even though they’re basically the same thing, but with houses on their backs. But this is just gross. And what’s worse? They’re illegal immigrants.

That’s right—some dumb kid Bart Simpson-ed these onto our continent back in 1965 when he snuck two back from a Hawaiian vacation in his pocket. Guess what? They were feeling pretty amorous, because it took Florida’s Dept. of Agriculture 10 years and 1 million dollars to successfully eradicate the SEVENTEEN THOUSAND snails that popped up after little Johnny brought his new pets home. Unfortunately, people idiots have begun smuggling them back into the U.S. recently.

So what exactly can these hideous things do?

• Grow to be 10 inches long

• Leave a slimy trail of excrement wherever they go

• Harbor the microscopic rat-lung worm, which can transmit meningitis to humans

• Eat garbage and pet food that’s been left out

• They’ve developed a taste for the stucco facades popular on Florida homes and can therefore EAT YOUR HOUSE.

In short: NO, David Blaine.

(Via NPR)

OK, so maybe that header is a bit harsh. There’s a new iPhone app called Urban Signals. If you go to the proprietary site, you’ll get a cutesy little demo video of how it works; it basically turns your cell phone into a GPS device that helps point out other single-and-looking folks. At first blush I thought this was way creepy, but then I paused and thought about it and realized that since it’s an opt-in subscriber-driven app, the only people who will show up on your phone’s UI are exactly like you (editorially speaking). So it’s a lot like a less web 1.0 version of Craig’s List’s “Missed Connections” board, with the possibility of a “Casual Encounter” thrown in. So…still creepy, but vaguely consensual.

That said, I could see this blowing up in the faces of the creators of the app when the resulting network is comprised of a) an army of Comic Book Guys pinging b) a much smaller army of kind of cute girls with no self-esteem.