Since I first posted about the crazy, nasty-ass honey badger back in February, he and his human avatar Randall have taken the internet by storm. Randall has since added to his collection of animal bio-pics, but the general consensus amongst the people I talk to is that none can hold a candle to Mr. Honey Badger.

Which is why it is absolutely NO surprise that he has inspired a shot, courtesy of Camper English of the Alcademics blog:

The Honey Badger
1 part Laphraoig single-malt scotch whisky
1 part Wild Turkey American Honey

Add scotch, then honey liqueur to a shot glass. Say “Honey badger don’t care,” then down the shot.

According to English, “The drink is sweet coming in, but nice and smoky on the finish. It’s kind of delicious.”

I can’t speak from experience (as you well know by now, I am not in the habit of drinking or owning scotch, whiskey, bourbon, or anything close to it), but am willing to give it a shot (get it?!), especially since I received a bottle of the aforementioned Wild Turkey American Honey from my mom for Christmas (that is how the Snow family rolls during the holidays—large crowds, lotsa booze. Jesus drank wine—I’m sure He’s cool with it.) Also, to paraphrase Chandler Bing, could there be any more parentheticals in this post?!

(Via Alcademics.com)

In general, I’m kind of a pushover. I really love pleasing people; even complete strangers. Working for 8 years in retail only made this condition worse: I was trained from an early age to please people above all else.

And it’s a tough habit to shake; even now, I straighten messy shelves in stores, put things where they belong if I find them out of place (to my wife’s chagrin, this does not extend to our home), and say “please”, “thank you”, and “have a nice day” with the kind of sincerity and frequency that would make Oscar The Grouch vomit all over the inside of his trashcan.

Therefore, it’s incredibly jarring when I see people (grown adults mind you, not children) behaving badly in public. Being rude to servers and desk clerks, causing scenes, using coarse language when kids are within earshot. Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens in pretty much every possible social situation across the board, but seems to be especially prevalent in restaurants and bars. So when we were at our favorite bar a few weeks back and chatting with Chris and Ana, a couple of the bartenders who were off for the evening and just there for a couple of drinks, we asked what customers did that most annoyed them. I thought it would make a good blog post, and since it’s of the list variety, it allows me to discuss booze TWICE this week!

And so, the top five things that will piss off your bartender:

5. Getting pissy if something you want isn’t available, no matter how common: “We had this guy that came in a few days in a row. Each time, he asked for Bud Light. Each time, I explained that we didn’t have any. I finally kinda lost it and just said, “Sir, we don’t CARRY it. We will NEVER carry it. I can get you something better, but I can’t get you that.”"

4. Don’t haggle over the cost of a drink: “There’s an extremely annoying regular at the other bar I work at, and one time he ordered a drink and asked for it to be made with a specific brand of rum. I explained that we didn’t have that, but I could make it with something else. He agreed, but then when it was time for him to pay his tab, he started trying to haggle with me because he “knew” the substitute rum was less-expensive than what he’d originally requested. It costs what it costs; this isn’t a flea market.”

3. Trust your bartender: “This doesn’t annoy us as much as it makes us laugh, but when you come up to the bar and ask for, say, a round of Cuervo shots, and we explain we don’t have any, but we have something better that costs the same, and then you give us a skeptical look and say “Better than Cuervo?” as though we’re mad, it cracks us up.” Bartenders drink. A lot. And yes, there are some spirits that are empirically better-tasting than the stuff that’s widely-available and heavily-advertised. Trust your bartenders, they won’t steer you wrong; after all, they want your tips.

2. Don’t be a cheapskate: “Thank you’s” are nice, but they don’t pay the rent. And I’m not saying you should empty your wallets for a guy or girl that’s just popping the top off a bottle and handing it to you without so much as a smile, but tipping is how we do things in America. 15% of the tab is acceptable, but I always shoot for 20%. 25% if the service is great and I’m friendly with the staff (which it usually is and I usually am at Bad Decisions).

1. It’s not your TV, so don’t ask for the remote: Unless you’re in what can reasonably be termed a “sports bar”, don’t bug the bartender about changing the channel. If you want to scream at the television for three hours while replacing the blood in your body with a crappy domestic light beer, go to the sports bar across the street or just stay home. If you walk into a quiet place and everyone is laughing at an episode of Archer or Chappelle’s Show, you are probably in the wrong place to begin with.

We all know about my well-documented interactions with whiskey and its close siblings bourbon and scotch. I’d liken it to getting smacked around periodically by the Hanson brothers (Slapshot, not Mmmm…bop!) But certain social situations call for imbibing “the brown satan”, and based on how you’d like the night to go, you may be well-served by reading The Complete Lunatic’s Guide to the 5 Best Sipping Whiskeys, courtesy of Cracked.

I can tell you just by the description therein: I am a Redbreast man.

I found web designer Chris Beucheler’s blog earlier today, and a recent post of his really piqued my interest, in which he offered suggestions of how to best go about stocking a home bar. He created a fancy table that included the kinds of liquor he’d recommend, along with specific brands, based on either a “Budget” or “Moderate” price point.

What’s so great about an exercise like this is that it combines two things I love: booze and making lists. It’s also such a wholly subjective undertaking that it can’t help but spark debate, both in terms of what each of us would deem an “essential” variety of spirit, and within that classification what brand in particular we prefer.

Now, I’m by no means the mixologist that Chris seems to be—my wife tends to be the brilliant mad scientist in the house when it comes to whipping up awesome libations. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have my preferences.

For instance, while Chris thinks that light rum is optional if you’re on a budget because it can be substituted with a golden rum, I disagree. Now, I don’t drink a lot of light rum, but I do LOVE me some of the dark stuff. Myers tends to be the go-to for most bars, but I prefer Gosling’s Black Seal. It’s great in a well-mixed Dark ‘n’ Stormy. But by way of contrast, it probably is best to have a lighter rum around the house for things like a mojito, but I tend to prefer bold, robust flavors, so I probably wouldn’t be averse to keeping a golden rum around for that in lieu of a light one.

I also would take Grey Goose over Belvedere in the vodka category, and completely skip the Tanqueray gin in favor of a bottle of Bombay Sapphire to pair with the Hendrick’s, depending on the cocktail (Bombay for something really juniper-forward, Hendrick’s for something involving cucumbers). I would probably also spring for Applejack over Courvoisier VS for brandy, just because I like the apple flavor, which often complements the drinks (and desserts!) I make using brandy.

Meanwhile, I am NOT much of a bourbon/whiskey/scotch/rye guy (as has been mentioned here in the past), so I can’t really speak to the positives or negatives of Chris’s selections.

But again, I could go on and on removing and replacing my own choices here. And as he says, “Obviously I’ve not tried every liquor on the market, and this list reflects my personal tastes.”

So what do you guys think? What are your “gotta have” spirits? Let me know in the comments section below!

My tough relationship with Scotch has been well-documented in this blog. I keep trying to like it and I never manage to enjoy it. That said, I found a Scotchtail recipe on Liquorious that gives me some hope (see below). I’m pretty sure my purist Scotch loving friends would frown on this but fuck ‘em. Maybe I am just a teensy bit of a girl drink drunk. What of it?

Cocktail Culture’s April Cocktail

1 ½ Chivas Regal 12 yo

1 ½ oz. Ruby Grapefruit Juice

2 barspoons honey

Dash Grapefruit bitters

Stir the honey in the empty old fashioned glass. Add the whisky and continue until dissolved. Following the addition of the Grapefruit Juice, top with crushed ice.

Wow. Maybe old people are right when they whine about how much better the past was! I especially love that slogan: “Night-before feeling on the morning after.” This is a good thing? This is something people craved back in the day? “Gee, I really miss the refreshing, clean sensation of irresponsibility and danger I so thoroughly enjoyed last night… if only there was a product that captured that same feeling, but was socially acceptable for me to enjoy throughout the day?” The perfect lead-in to that three-martini lunch with the swell fellows from accounting!

Next stop: Wino-town. For serious alcoholics, the only reasonable follow-up would be this absinthe dental floss. Lushtastic.