After literally months of work, I can proudly present my new line of billfold wallets! They’re made in the U.S.A., 100% cruelty-free, and super-durable — not to mention quite stylish! The interior features a large billfold slot for cash, as well as four smaller slots for ID and credit cards.
We decided to start small with the number of designs, but will be adding to these inaugural six in the coming months. A very big thank you to all of the friends and fans we tapped for feedback and help with the design choices and color selections!
You’ve heard about hospice cats, right? The adorable little reapers that offer purrs and cuddles to the mostly-dead in exchange for climate control and 2 square meals a day (or 5, if you’re a spoiled quadruped around here that refuses to eat more than 1 Tbsp in a sitting)?
Well, “Chen”, a pretentiously-mononym-ed RISD student, has developed a less cute, more terrifying version: meet the Last-Minute Robot.
Just press a button, and this cold, lifeless robotic arm will slowly move back and forth across the patient’s arm, “stroking [them] through death” while calmly introducing itself via an eerily Siri-esque voice (insert “are you there, Siri? It’s me, Matt” joke here).
1. If I’m going to kick it with zero friends and/or family surrounding/petting/hugging me, I want a goddamn cat, not a robot.
2. If anything is going to be “stroking me through death”, it had better be something fried and delicious!
By now you probably know I’m a nerd. I love sci fi, monsters, comics, and robots. When I say I love these things, I mean I love them the way you love a new song by your favorite band or a sandwich. I may wax poetic about them, but I draw the line at taking them to bed or marrying them. Some nerds researchers out of New Zealand have other ideas. Academic journal Futures published their paper predicting that in the future humans will visit brothels staffed by robots, rather than human prostitutes.
Dr. David Levy no doubt agrees with this sentiment; in his 2007 book he claimed humans will fall in love with humanoid robots in the next 50 years.
As if the modern dating scene wasn’t hard enough already. Now singles will have to compete with made-in-a-lab perfection if they seek human-to-human companionship. Thanks again, Science.
Remember a couple months ago when I was all excited about the advent of 3D printing, aka Star Trek replicator technology? Well, my past and our future have collided into this present happening, and it freaks me out!
Some smart cookies have already decided to monetize this amazing future-tech in the coolest way possible: by building and selling customized robots!
My Robot Nation gives robot enthusiasts the chance to design unique robot figures online and then uses a 3D printer to fabricate them to your specifications. The do a pretty good job of explaining the process here, as well as showing some of it here:
This is Jukusui-Kun, a new robotic pillow combo in the form of two polar bears designed in Japan as a sleep aid to combat snoring. Yes, seriously.
How is this miracle of science achieved? Well, the smaller bear-pillow contains a small sensor which attaches to the afflicted sleeper’s hand. This sensor monitors oxygen levels in the blood, which a microphone embedded in the larger bear-pillow records noise levels.
Both pillows feed this data wirelessly into a THIRD unit, a terminal that compiles and analyzes the data. When blood oxygen levels dip and noise levels increase at the same time, the “mama” bear is triggered by the terminal and gently brushes its paw across the sleeper’s face in order to induce them to roll over without waking them up (sleeping on one’s side instead of the back is believed to alleviate the snoring).
Interested? Well, too bad — the researchers who designed this not-at-all ostentatious device that nobody asked for will not be producing it commercially.
So Japan spent an obscene amount of money to design a robotic anti-snoring pillow device and fabricated it in the form of an adult and an infant polar bear (complete with baby bottle) that essentially does what my wife’s elbow does for free after I pass out drunk. With no plans to recoup the R&D budget by mass-producing it.
No, don’t get up, Japan — we’ll lick this climate change/famine/poverty/overpopulation/war/pollution thing in a jiff.
It’s been a while (well, a few weeks) since Japan teamed up with Science to give me nightmares—guess they wanted to give the first few episodes of season two of The Walking Dead a few at-bats in my mindscape—but they are back on the job and better (worse?) than ever:
Basically, these are what will be applauding the zombie herds from the sidelines as they chase me through the southeast in my dreams. Because relentless undead hordes need a cheering section.