Have you guys heard of Klout? It’s a new social media influence-compiler that takes all of the data produced by you on your various social networking accounts and grades you out based on link-clickage and page views and follows and likes. Like Google Analytics, BUT FOR YOUR VERY DIGITAL ESSENCE. I can’t decide if this is awesome or horrible. Probably both; the social media equivalent of watching some other dude get hit in the balls with some sort of object.

Here’s why it’s awesome:

Klout is new, so it has that “new app smell”, and it satisfies a navel-gazing urge and desire to have my ego stroked.

Here’s why it isn’t:

Klout is also pretty much a robot. And if a robot just rolled into your job or class wearing the coolest new clothes (mine, for instance), you’d probably want to hang out with it. But then it opens its mouth/switches on its speech facilitatrix, and just spews weird, random analysis of you based on what it sees with zero context. All of a sudden the cool new robot with the fly kicks seems a lot more like someone you’d like to shake down for lunch money.

For example:

That’s me. 29. My whole online existence, boiled down to a single (relatively low) number. High compared to my friends, but I rank lower than a lot of back-up outfielders on small-market National League baseball teams (how does Nyjer-f@#king-Morgan score a 57?!)

But check out the five topics I’m supposedly “influential” about:

1. Homelessness
2. Animals
3. Money
4. Billy Joel
5. Mystery

Let’s break it down: “homelessness” and “animals” should be paired together; my love of shelter pets and work with the SPCA is pretty well-known. Money…well, let’s just say that I always thought in order to be influential regarding that, you had to actually HAVE some. Klout thinks I’m Warren Buffet over here.

Billy Joel; OK, fair enough. I love The Piano Man. Apparently so much that he is the thing I care fourth-most about IN ALL THE WORLD. My wife, my cats, art, baseball, comics…don’t even make the list. And “mystery”?! I get that Klout is probably just picking up on the frequency of my Mystery Monday posts, but believing I’m influential about something as abstract as “mystery” is like saying you can actually “win” against terror.

Robots: awesome, but stupid.

FURTHERMORE, Klout believes that I am a.) not really all that influential, and b.) am only really influenced by ALCOHOL:

True though it may be, I don’t really need to be reminded of it by some douchey robot (whose shoes really aren’t all that great anyway). That’s right—my only influencer is Bad Decisions. My favorite bar.

Whatever. At least I’m not alone; Bad Decisions has a Klout score of 51, so clearly there are many other drunken Billy Joel fans with an air of mystery about them. I just need to find them.

In completely unrelated news, I’ve posted two new designs: Pirate Bunnies, and Ghost World. Snap ‘em up!

I caught the old 1960 Disney live action Swiss Family Robinson movie on the Hallmark Channel this past weekend, which always makes me remember how desperately I wanted to live in one of the ornate tree-houses in the film.

So it was kind of coincidental that I happened upon this awesomeness on Sunday:

The most spoiled six year old in Minnesota was gifted with his choice of themed bedroom, as designed by Steve Kuhl. Wisely, the kid chose a pirate theme. The room features, among other things, a floating ship (complete with compartments to hang out in) , rope bridge to the brig (for storing pesky sisters), and crow’s nest. As if that weren’t enough, the walls and ceiling were painted to simulate the ocean, complete with “swimming” sea creatures. Click here to see more pictures and a description of exactly what went into the execution of such a cool concept. It is extremely sad that I kind of want a room in my house like this.

(Via My Modern Metropolis)

I am in love. Today while cruising the web I discovered Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew (via Indie Parade blog). They’re a highly amusing novelty hip hop crew with a pirate theme. If you’re into Paul Barman or Kool Keith or Ugly Duckling, you will find these guys delightful. Even if you’re not normally a novelty rap fan, you kind of have to admit that pirate rappers make sense. I mean pirates are the original gangstas, no? For your viewing pleasure, there are even videos!

Sadly, their Myspace indicates that they won’t be in my town any time soon so I will have to stick to interweb stalking them for now. What’s all the more disappointing is that my enthusiasm for show-going has been weak these days, and pirate rappers are obviously what I need to get back into gear. Hopefully these guys will be going on a lengthier tour in the near future.