File under “things you didn’t want to know about sausage-making”: apparently, even though penguins mate with the same partner for life, they aren’t above steppin’ out to shake their money-makers and earn a little cash on the side.

According to the BBC, pent-up single male Adelie penguins will eagerly part with some of their most-prized stones (what passes for a dowery in Antarctica these days; I hear we’re headed toward a similar economy ourselves) for seven minutes in heaven with just about any lady-bird that waddles up—even if she’s not, in fact, “single”.

These gold-digging pragmatic ladies have been documented by scientists trading sexual favors to these sad-sack young men for stones that they then take back to the homestead for hubby to use in nest-building. Talk about a frigid b*tch!

I can see it all unfolding now, Mad Men-style: “Hey honey! How was your day? Oh wow! I had no idea being a member of the secretarial pool paid so well! Keep up the hard work, and we’ll catch up to the Joneses in no time!”

(Via DailyPicksandFlicks.com)

I apologize for the crappy quality of this pic (and post; I’m severely hung over). What you see before you is supreme dedication.

While I was out with my wife and friends last night, a guy came over to our table and literally asked for the shirt off my back. Apparently his lady-friend (pictured above) loves penguins, and liked my Penguins In Love design so much that she had him ask me for it. Typically I wouldn’t have taken off my shirt in a bar, but they actually had a free crappy over-sized Bud Light tee of some kind to give me in exchange, so I wouldn’t be left shirtless. Since I’m all about going the extra mile for you guys, I gave this girl the shirt off my back. And since I rarely go out without one of my own tees on my body, you guys also stand a very good chance of coming away with a very sweaty cool free t-shirt of your own if you happen upon me. (Chances are especially good if I’ve been drinking.) Just keep an eye out for me; I’ll be the guy in the Ex-Boyfriend shirt complaining about the state of the Baltimore Orioles baseball club.

P.S. I’m too hungover today to talk about booze with any enthusiasm, so instead I’ll just point you to Fork Party’s list of 11 Terrible Hangover Cures. Here’s hoping your Thirsty Thursday is less headachey than mine.

Penguins in love, what could be more romantic?