It’s no secret that Baptist evangelical Freddie Gage’s All My Friends Are Dead sermon LP has spawned a lot of homages and parodies over the years. I had initially thought about doing this design “straight”, using an actual historical figure. But the wife made a suggestion last night (after I had already completed the design, as is often the case) that maybe a zombie might be a better subject. After my customary tantrum at having to scrap hours of work, I got started on the revision. It turns out she was right (as is often the case.)

New design, ladies and gents. Please buy one? I have to feed my ever-expanding cat expensive diet food.

If you’re a regular visitor to this blog, you may remember that a few months ago I rescued two abandoned cats. Yesterday the wife and I (Wife! Crazy!) took Hobbes for a booster shot and the vet told us this guy needs to lose some weight. Because he. is. seventeen. and a half. pounds. Before you report us to social services, please understand that this cat is big-boned. Seriously; this guy’s paws are gigantic, and when he stands on his hind paws he can put his front paws on our counter top. It’s like we have a little mountain lion running around the house. You should hear him trotting down the hall upstairs, it sounds like a herd of elephants. I tried to point this out to our vet, but she still insisted Hobbes was getting pudgy, even for a big-boned part-mountain lion.

So Hobbes (and our other cats) are now on a new and more expensive diet cat food. Awesome. Maybe if you guys didn’t spend 22 hours a day in bed you wouldn’t be packing on the pounds. Just a thought. I am amazed they don’t get bed sores. You’ve never seen lazier animals.

I’m hoping Hobbes’ new food will help him slim down a bit, but if that doesn’t work, there are options:

1. Coffee in the water fountain
The cats have a fancy water fountain that’s supposed to encourage them to drink more water. I’m thinking maybe it’s time to switch my boys to coffee. Kitties on speed will not only result in good Youtube fooder, but all that caffeine might keep them from spending their entire day in bed. Imagine how much more productive my cats could be with a little morning joe. I bet I’d never see another house fly again.

2. Treadmill
We’ve all seen the very excellent videos of cats on treadmills, no? Perhaps it’s time to invest in one for my cats. Not only would this be great exercise, I am thinking we could knit them some leg warmers and headbands. They’d look adorable, like feline Jane Fondas or Olivia Newton Johns.

3. Kitty Thinspiration
I think part of the issue with my cats’ obesity is that they’re pretty proud of themselves. You should see them lying on their backs, tummies in full view, paws in the air. They take great pride in their excess baggage.

You’ve heard of pasting skinny models to your fridge to keep on your diet? Maybe what we need are photos from Cat Fancy of svelte pretty kitties to shame our boys into some self-control. Living in the media-free bubble that is our household, our cats have no concept of socially accepted beauty. A self-conscious cat is a health-conscious cat. Bring on the kitty fashion mags!

P.S. None of the above suggestions are approved by veterinarians. I am only kidding. Please do not try these ideas at home.

P.P.S. I (and our vet) think our cats are pretty rad at any size. We just don’t want them developing kitty diabetes or heart failure. Shit is real. Protect ya neck!

Penguins in love, what could be more romantic?

Inspired by an episode of 30 Rock, I designed these new Werewolf Bar Mitzvah t-shirts. Apparently Tracy Morgan recorded the “Werewolf Bar Mitzvah” song in its entirety. I really need to download that.

First of all, a quick update on the foster kittens. They are super cute and getting bigger by the day. Buster is by far the bravest kitty, venturing out to explore when when put him in our room with us, and falling asleep on our comforter. The other two kitties are still very skittish, but we’re working on them. The cutest thing we’ve discovered about the kittens is that they purr in unison. Once you start scratching the top of one kitten’s head and he starts purring about it, the other two join in, even if they aren’t getting petted. Adorable!

I managed to tear myself away from the cute for a few hours and designed this new tee.

If there is one thing we love at Ex-Boyfriend HQ it’s absurd humor, which is why we loved Space Ghost Coast to Coast so much. Although the show has long since been canceled, and they refuse to put the entire series out on DVD, I’ve discovered that you can pretty much find all of the episodes on YouTube. Ahh the internet… This week I designed a couple of tees inspired by products featured on SGC2C, I also linked the episodes they’re from, in case you missed ‘em. They are a couple of my favorites and definitely worth watching.

Also new, scooters!

Ex-Boyfriend now carries printed canvas messenger bags! I am going to be honest here, I adore messenger bags, it’s like a purse that is OK for men to carry. I probably already own about a dozen messenger bags of various shapes and sizes, but this doesn’t stop me from wanting more of these handy man purses. My messenger bags go everywhere with me –  work, school, gym, vacation, urban hikes, you name it.

I am especially excited for the new bags we’re carrying because they are pretty much the perfect bags. They’re soft yet study, made of 100% cotton canvas. The shoulder strap is super comfy and doesn’t twist and shift.  Magnetic snap closures means in my haste/laziness I won’t forget to close up the bag. The bags also have the perfect arrangement of pockets and pouches. Two inside zipper pouches for my pencils, a notepad and chapstick (because that stuff otherwise always disappears into the abyss that is the bottom of my overstuffed messenger bag). They’ve also got to external pockets so I can easily find my phone and reach my ipod. I can also fit a sketchpad and my laptop in one of these bags, so really everything I need can fit inside. Oh and you know what else is cool? The bags come with a keychain strap so I can finally find my damn keys, rather than rooting around in there and having to pull everything out to find ‘em.

Look inside:

If all this isn’t enough reason to love these bags, they of course feature super stylish Ex-Boyfriend illustrations.  This week I’m carrying a kakhi green Fidel Catro messenger bag.

(That’s me with my new favorite bag)

P.S. Who is going to see Coraline? I can’t wait. I am thinking Valentine date movie.

After graduation I am either going to get a job in a cubicle or hatch an evil scheme to take over the world. I am leaning towards the latter. To that end, I am going to need some minions, thus I’ve decided its time to advertise to help. If you’re interested in being a minion clickety-click, my friend, and apply for the job.

If you are considering master-minding an evil scheme of your own, you can get a “Now Hiring Henchman” badge for your website or Myspace here. It’s all set up to send you applications from your potential minions. Fun, huh? If you’d like to celebrate your evil in other ways check out the new Intramural Supervillain Tees.

If you’re a parent raising a little rascal whom the neighbors affectionately keep referring to as “Damian,” you may be interested in the brand new “Future Dark Overlord” T-shirts. Let’s face it, they can’t all be future doctors and future Presidents, right?

Top Ten Ways You Can Tell Your Child is a Future Dark Overlord:

1. When you ask your little one what she wants to be when she grows up, she says she wants to be just like Ann Coulter.

2. He keeps pestering you for a tank full of piranhas instead of a puppy.

3. When you ask her if she’d like to come play outside, she replies that she is too busy working on her death ray right now.

4. Your child exhibits an unhealthy fixation with resurrecting the dead to form an army of minions to do his bidding.

5. Her favorite television show is the O’Reilly Factor.

6. Mysterious charges on your credit card keep appearing from chemicalsbannedinmoststates.com

7. His favorite book is the Necronomicon

8. Her Christmas wish list includes such things as a rocket launcher or napalm.

9. Inordinate amount of pleather in his wardrobe.

10. She begs you to buy her a “Future Dark Overlord” t-shirt.