In the last 2 days I’ve received the following things in the mail:
- TWO separate letters confirming that I’ve elected to receive electronic communication from the bank
- a letter confirming that I’ve created an online account with my car insurance company
- a letter from the census bureau telling me I’m going to get a letter from them.

WTF?! Bank and insurance companies, clearly you have missed the point of my electronic communication requests so let me make this clearer. I want you to STOP SENDING ME PAPER! Just stop, no more. If you want to tell me something, email me. Got it?

Now as for you, census bureau: I don’t need you to send me a piece of paper telling me you’re going to send me more paper. How about if you just send me the paper you want me to look at and if I don’t respond then you can send me another piece of paper. Why not put in all caps “REPLY TO THIS PAPER OR WE’LL MURDER MORE TREES”? You can do it all ransom style even; have fun with it.

My wife was particularly incensed by this business with the census people. Our tax dollars could be put to better use than paying for unnecessary paper and postage. She wrote them a little note to express her wrath frustration. They responded, defending their wasteful practices, telling her that they’ve found 6-12% more people reply when they send 2 pieces of paper. This data is also 10 years old so is it really that pertinent? Here is what we don’t understand: why not try online first? Take all the addresses that reply online out of your database and then send the remaining addresses the paper you want them to fill out. When those come back, take out those addresses. Then you can re-mail the addresses you have left. Less paper, less postage. Everyone wins.

My wife pointed this approach out. Of course, she then she called them a bunch of dinosaurs and suggested they go have another egg cream and turn up their Victrola’s because by the time the next census rolls around all these problems will be eliminated thanks to robots. She’s a real people person.