This is Jukusui-Kun, a new robotic pillow combo in the form of two polar bears designed in Japan as a sleep aid to combat snoring. Yes, seriously.
How is this miracle of science achieved? Well, the smaller bear-pillow contains a small sensor which attaches to the afflicted sleeper’s hand. This sensor monitors oxygen levels in the blood, which a microphone embedded in the larger bear-pillow records noise levels.
Both pillows feed this data wirelessly into a THIRD unit, a terminal that compiles and analyzes the data. When blood oxygen levels dip and noise levels increase at the same time, the “mama” bear is triggered by the terminal and gently brushes its paw across the sleeper’s face in order to induce them to roll over without waking them up (sleeping on one’s side instead of the back is believed to alleviate the snoring).
Interested? Well, too bad — the researchers who designed this not-at-all ostentatious device that nobody asked for will not be producing it commercially.
So Japan spent an obscene amount of money to design a robotic anti-snoring pillow device and fabricated it in the form of an adult and an infant polar bear (complete with baby bottle) that essentially does what my wife’s elbow does for free after I pass out drunk. With no plans to recoup the R&D budget by mass-producing it.
No, don’t get up, Japan — we’ll lick this climate change/famine/poverty/overpopulation/war/pollution thing in a jiff.
It’s been a while (well, a few weeks) since Japan teamed up with Science to give me nightmares—guess they wanted to give the first few episodes of season two of The Walking Dead a few at-bats in my mindscape—but they are back on the job and better (worse?) than ever:
Basically, these are what will be applauding the zombie herds from the sidelines as they chase me through the southeast in my dreams. Because relentless undead hordes need a cheering section.
As we’ve already discovered ad nauseum (literally), Japan loves re-purposing poop. So it comes as absolutely no surprise that TOTO, Japan’s version of American Standard, is promoting it’s new eco-friendly image with an upcoming 500-mile jaunt from Kyushu to Tokyo on its prototype Toilet Bike Neo.
What makes Neo a “toilet bike”, you ask? Well… it’s “powered entirely by the on-board biogas digester. Biogas systems use an anaerobic bacteria system to convert dead organic matter into a usable fuel primarily made of methane.” Theoretically, this hog could run forever, provided the driver’s nice an’ regular. Oh, and if pooping out in the open into your vehicle is not embarrassing enough for you, Neo also talks as part of this campaign. Because nothing makes you less self-conscious while pooping in public than the robot you’re sitting on shooting the breeze with you. Still—pooh-derived energy certainly beats nuclear meltdowns. Right?
You may be wondering why that mutated fleshlight is moaning at you. You may also be wondering why I’m making you watch it. Second one’s easy: I’m a terrible, no-good, very bad person. First one is a little trickier: it seems that scientists in Japan (why is it that that lead-in always freaks me out?) have developed a robotic voice box in order to help deaf people better modulate their voices and enunciate their speech. Noble enough idea, but this is just a nightmare of execution. No, David Blaine.
So yeah, this is a toy that actually exists and can be purchased with actual human money:
This is a thing that a.) someone asked for, b.) focus-tested well enough to be put into mass production, and c.) SOMEONE ASKED FOR?!
And what happens once you’ve shaved the baby’s meager amount of body hair? Does hugging it cause more hair to sprout out, like pushing Play-Doh™ through a spaghetti grinder? Or is this a brilliant case of planned obsolescence that forces you to buy dozens of hairy babies until your toddler grows tired of WIELDING A SHAVING RAZOR?
So yesterday was Independence Day, a holiday which, outside of maybe Labor Day or Memorial Day, is most often associated with celebrating outdoors.
Meaning, it’s for suckers.
It was 95° outside yesterday! I’m pretty sure the “independence” means “freedom from the tyranny of Mother Nature” and was intended to be spent sitting in front of A/C vents.
Pretty sure. I could be wrong.
Sorry, vets! Jus’ joshin’! You know I love you guys!
But anyway, I spent yesterday inside working on new designs and watching some of the “best” worst TV programming ever. Summer holidays are the ones when the nerdy interns nobody likes are left in charge at TV HQ, and man, do I love those guys. Yesterday I watched Godzilla vs. Mothra, which was terrible, but strangely amazing, and made me want to watch the original Godzilla, so I streamed that shizz on Netflix. It got me thinking, “what are the best movie monsters that don’t use language?”
It’s pretty easy to be a villain if you can explain your reasoning and motivation before causing mayhem on a large scale. You may disagree with his or her desire to saw your arms off or melt your brain with a laser, but more often than not they’re at least conscientious enough to explain the “why” behind their actions. Not so with these guys:
5. Staypuft Marshmallow Man—
This guy! I love this guy! He’s adorable (must be the hat), but capable of a truly sinister smile as he’s causing massive property damage, and leaves behind some truly tasty entrails once he’s been dispatched with some crossed streams (ewww).
4. Jaws—
Looks-wise, easily the most terrifying entry on this list. A lot of nerd-hay has been made since 1977 about how “fake” this animatronic beastie looked in hindsight, but I assure you, he looks pretty f@#king real to five year olds who only ever truly feel safe in water if they’re wearing water-wings, and even then, only in the kiddie pool.
3. King Kong—
50 feet tall, opposable thumbs, and unlike the 50 Foot Woman (supposedly), cannot be reasoned with.
2. The Kraken—
Talk about terrible branding—the kraken has never been definitively depicted. Sometimes its just a giant squid, other times this mash-up of a squid and a trilobite, and most recently in Pirates of the Caribbean as a sort of water-bound sarlacc. I prefer Ray Harryhausen’s creature from The Clash of the Titans; gigantic, amphibious (he will bring the beat-down to you), and has what look to be opposable thumbs. Want to avoid Jaws? Stay out of the water. Want to avoid the kraken? Um…learn to fly?
1. Godzilla—
Triple-threat! Dude can swim, walk, is big as a skyscraper, and can eat, burn, or sit on you to death. Then they gave him wings in the sixties. Game. Over.
Oh, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the new(ish) design! I re-did my Peanut Butter & Jelly Lovers design last week; I think it’s kind of awesome:
So after a quick diversion into the robotic realm last week, I thought I’d wrap up this two-part series about my recent European escapades!
Previously I posted some pics of the cool art to be seen in Oslo, Norway and the choicest selections from Berlin’s East Side Gallery. This week’s focus is a bit more on Berlin’s excellent street art scene.
This awesome Japanese woodcut-style portrait decorated the side of a hotel across the street from the East Side Gallery facing the Spree River. We really loved the economical use of color and elegant contours and just thought in general it was great art AND marketing for the hotel; it’s hard to miss AND hard to forget.
After a couple of mis-steps seeking out the cream of the art scene crop that we’d heard so much about before arriving in Berlin, we asked the proprietor of Big Brobot, a very cool book/toy/comic/t-shirt shop in the Friedrichshain section of the city, if he could recommend any good galleries that exhibited more street art and pop art (as opposed to the truly awful installations we’d seen up to that point.) He kindly pointed us in the direction of the NeuroTitan gallery and shop.
After a couple of missed turns, we finally were pointed in the direction of the correct alley leading to the gallery. Once we stepped into the alley, we were greeted with some really wonderful pieces of street art, from spray can art to traditional media to paste-ups.
The alley then led into a courtyard that featured this very cool steam-powered sculpture of a steampunk bat-creature with flapping wings, roving eyes, and flailing proboscis. I really wish I’d switched on my video camera to catch it in action!
Finally, to get to the NeuroTitan gallery, we had to climb a few flights of stairs to enter the shop area before checking out the exhibit. While the exhibit was pretty “meh”, the trip up the stairs was awesome, with the walls just COVERED in really cool graffiti and street art. One of our favorites was the “Fashion Chimp” ad paste-up, done in the style of a 1930s-40s women’s magazine. Who wouldn’t want a giant, life-sized “fashion chimp” for their home?
That pretty much wraps up our 2011 European adventure. Sad as we were not to be able to make it to Tokyo, it was an excellent diversion none the less, and hopefully the planet is done kicking Japan’s ass for a few years and we can make it over there soon.
In OTHER Ex-Boyfriend news—AT LEAST two new designs are going to be up by the end of this week. If you or someone you know is into vampires, kitties, and/or kawaii-style art, be sure to check back!
ALSO: Be sure to tune into The Daily Show on Comedy Central tonight at 11pm. Our good friend Jackson Galaxy from Animal Planet will be sporting our very own Fuzz Aldrin this evening during Aasif Mandvi’s segment! Woot! Be sure to spread the word!
UPDATE: The Daily Show segment featuring Jackson Galaxy wearing Fuzz Aldrin tonight has been postponed thanks to some big political news today, but I’ll keep you guys updated about when it really airs!
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