Now sharks are just f@#king with us.

Even if this story is completely fabricated and the photo-bombing completely doctored, I don’t think any of us would put it past a shark to pull this shit just for its own murderous giggles.

(Thanks for the heads-up, Adj!)

Purveyors of unnecessary products, Hammachar Schelemmer, have done it again!

Ever wanted to plot your global domination from a secret underwater lair? Your dream can finally come true! For a mere $2 million, you can have your very own personal submarine! Break out your Platinum card, Dr. Evil.

Your submarine fits two (perfect for you and your favorite henchman) and descends 1000 feet. It comes with a 120- and 24-volt battery bank that provides up to six hours of continuous undersea adventure evil plotting.

Awesome!

Related Art:

While not exactly on the same brilliant level of Tampon in a Teacup from Ghost World, The Robert uses old books to create very cool art, both stand-alone and installation pieces. Definitely check out his online gallery or stop into one of his shows if he’s exhibiting in your ‘hood.

Hank Scorpio wants his familiar back!

And a quick congrats is in order to Sir Patrick Stewart, who was knighted in Queen Elizabeth II’s New Year Honors list. While most famous for his roles as Capt. Jean-Luc Picard of the USS Enterprise-D and Professor Charles Xavier, we all know that his greatest bow came in episode 12 of season 19 on Saturday Night Live.

Are you mad?! Do you know what you are flirting with?! I will feed your steaming organs to all the hounds of Hell! I will watch your eyes burn... til the cows come home!

As Mayor Leonardo Leonardo famously stated, nothing can kill the Grimace. There now exists photographic evidence in support of that assertion.

Tonight, we feast on man-flesh!

(Via AndIAmNotLying)

So I reaallly didn’t want to devote any time or energy to a vapid shell of a human being like Jessica Simpson, but I’m sure those of you who are huge fans of trashy celebretard news like me have heard about Jess’s recent weight gain and all the nasty gossip that’s accompanied it on TMZ and the like.

More than anything else, this seems like nothing more than a very unfortunate wardrobe decision. But the whole reason I’m posting about this is regarding Jessica’s little sis Ashlee, or rather, her most recent myspace blog post.

“I am completely disgusted by the headlines concerning my sister’s weight. A week after the inauguration and with such a feeling of hope in the air for our country, I find it completely embarrassing and belittling to all women to read about a woman’s weight or figure as a headline on Fox News.

All women come in different shapes, sizes, and forms and just because you’re a celebrity, there shouldn’t be a different standard.”

Is it just me, or does this sentiment ring EXTREMELY HOLLOW considering how widely reported Ashlee’s many trips to the cosmetic surgeon have been since she first appeared on the pop music scene? I’m not disagreeing with her. I’m just sayin’.

All that being said, I should add how impressed I am by Ashlee’s devotion to correct grammar and spelling. You go, girl!

After graduation I am either going to get a job in a cubicle or hatch an evil scheme to take over the world. I am leaning towards the latter. To that end, I am going to need some minions, thus I’ve decided its time to advertise to help. If you’re interested in being a minion clickety-click, my friend, and apply for the job.

If you are considering master-minding an evil scheme of your own, you can get a “Now Hiring Henchman” badge for your website or Myspace here. It’s all set up to send you applications from your potential minions. Fun, huh? If you’d like to celebrate your evil in other ways check out the new Intramural Supervillain Tees.

If you’re a parent raising a little rascal whom the neighbors affectionately keep referring to as “Damian,” you may be interested in the brand new “Future Dark Overlord” T-shirts. Let’s face it, they can’t all be future doctors and future Presidents, right?

Top Ten Ways You Can Tell Your Child is a Future Dark Overlord:

1. When you ask your little one what she wants to be when she grows up, she says she wants to be just like Ann Coulter.

2. He keeps pestering you for a tank full of piranhas instead of a puppy.

3. When you ask her if she’d like to come play outside, she replies that she is too busy working on her death ray right now.

4. Your child exhibits an unhealthy fixation with resurrecting the dead to form an army of minions to do his bidding.

5. Her favorite television show is the O’Reilly Factor.

6. Mysterious charges on your credit card keep appearing from chemicalsbannedinmoststates.com

7. His favorite book is the Necronomicon

8. Her Christmas wish list includes such things as a rocket launcher or napalm.

9. Inordinate amount of pleather in his wardrobe.

10. She begs you to buy her a “Future Dark Overlord” t-shirt.