Mens Health recently put out a list of the 20 worst beverages in America. Any by worst, they mean the worst for you. The winner: Cold Stone Creamery’s PB&C, which weighs in at 2,010 calories and 131 grams of fat! Having just returned from vacation, I’m watching my diet for the next few weeks, so clearly Cold Stone is out. (Vacations always lead to high calorie restaurant food and excessive quantities of beer and liquor.) So what are the most diet-friendly drinks?

1. Champagne – 4 ounces contains 85 calories
2. Vodka and Fresca – 1 ounce vodka contains 64 calories and since Fresca is a diet soda it’s calorie-free
3. Gin and Tonic – 1 ounce gin and 3 ounces of tonic comes to about 100 calories
4. Rum and Diet Coke – Averages at about 110 calories
5. Mojitos -If made properly they contain about 160 calories (it should have 2 tsp sugar, 3 Tbs lime juice, 1.5 oz light rum, club soda and fresh mint)
6. Bloody Mary – Usually contains around 150 calories
7. Wine – 5 ounces contains 120 calories
8. Mike’s Hard Lemonade Light – 11 ounces contains 98 calories
9. Budweiser Select55 – 55 calories
10. Jack and Coke (Zero) – 1 ounce of Jack Daniels contains 64 calories, the Coke Zero is calorie-free

Need something more decadent? Check out this Caribbean Coffee Ice Cream. Drool.

I am both a foodie and vain. This is a real problem. It’s kinda like being a meth head and a fitness fanatic. These two interests are at odds. As a result of my condition I am usually in one of two modes, hedonism or penance. For weeks, or even months, I’ll indulge in my foodie proclivities. I’ll eat sun-dried tomato and artichoke heart pizzas and my girlfriend’s amazing chai latte cupcakes. Then the guilt sets in, and my pants get snug, and I realize it’s time to pay for my sins.

Currently, I’m in serious diet mode. I’ve gained like 10 lbs! I don’t know how I let this happen. Well, yes I do, my girlfriend and I are both great cooks and I’ve been too busy with school and work to hit the gym. I also eat too many fucking cookies.

My girl and I are both dieting. Misery loves company. We’re trying to stick to 1200 calories per day and at least 180 minutes per week at the gym. While doing hard time, gastronomically speaking, I have only one thing on my mind and it’s junk food.

Why is it that as soon as I’m on a diet I can think of nothing but HoHos and Doritos? I don’t even like these things or eat them when I’m not dieting. Suddenly every TV commercial for awful food practically gives me a boner.  Things I am most desperate to eat right now:
1. Mac N Cheese
2. Nachos
3. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
4. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
5. French Fries (with a gallon of ketchup)

At least sex doesn’t have any calories, thank goodness.