If this keeps up I may have to start a blog entirely dedicated to exchanges with J at Safeway. This post may be a little TMI, but it’s too funny not to share, and I think it illustrates what a total weirdo J is. Earlier tonight the wife and I were making our usual late-night grocery run, and we were in need of some condoms. I said “maybe we should buy them another time, like when self check-out is open. I’m just cringing thinking about the terrible turn our conversation will take when J see these.”

My wife replied, “What am I, some embarrassed sixteen year old? I’m not going without because some grocery store cashier has something to say about my condoms.” You can see why I married this woman; she definitely has her priorities in order.

So as J is ringing us up, he mutters to my wife in a hushed voice “they never carry my favorite kind any more.” At this point J has already bagged our condoms and is now ringing up Luna bars.

“Luna bars?” my wife says in response to his comment.

“Noooo, the other thing,” and he points to our condoms.

“Oh,” says my wife.

“They’re called Trojans. They’re really good. They can’t keep them on the shelves here. As soon as we get them we sell out of them.”

“Uh huh,” my wife says.

“So I order them by mail!” he says with a delighted giggle. J is very clever. He continues, “they come in a big box that says TROJAN on the outside. Sooo embarrassing. And my postman drops them off right on my doorstep so all my neighbors can see what I ordered.”

I can see how that would be awkward, J. Kind of like how it’s awkward when the supermarket cashier insists on discussing his favorite kind of condoms with my wife. Just because we’re buying condoms doesn’t mean this is an invitation to discuss them. Thank goodness we’re not a couple of easily embarrassed teenagers who might, next time, choose to forgo the condoms altogether, rather than face an awkward conversation about them with a cashier.

My wife says next time we’re there she’s going to ask J to recommend a brand of tampons. He probably has thoughts about those too. Also, who is it that J is using these mail order condoms with? I can’t even imagine.