See, this is why Klout thinks I’m only influenced by alcohol in general, and Bad Decisions specifically: I blog about booze once a week, and more often than not, it’s something I discovered propping up the bar there.

So here I go, pumping up BD’s Klout score yet again: Steinlager Pure.

Anyone who’s a regular reader of this blog knows that when it comes to beer, I prefer darker ales. Lagers & pilsners just don’t typically do it for me. But a few months back I noticed one of these green bottles in John’s (the bar owner) hand. I immediately assumed it was Heineken, but was quickly corrected—it was Steinlager Pure. I asked for a taste comparison and was told “it tastes like Heineken or Stella, but without that stale @$$hole finish and aftertaste.”

Evocative!

I tried one, and have been hooked ever since. It’s not the ONLY beer I drink, but it is the only beer I ever really CRAVE when I want something crisp and refreshing and feel like something I can gulp as opposed to sip.

So what makes it so great? Well, like I said, it’s very crisp and refreshing and light, with just a hint of sweetness, and none of the bitterness I associate with Heineken or Stella and other light-colored beers, meaning it goes down very smoothly. There’s almost a citrus-like quality because it does taste so fresh. Plus, unlike so many of our big domestic brands, it actually has a flavor. It hails from New Zealand, and is probably one of the most sustainably-brewed beers in the world, and uses some of the purist ingredients you can find, from the barley & hops all the way to the water.

It’s being imported to the U.S. now, and if you prefer lighter beers that are manufactured with the environment in mind, look for it or ask around at your favorite watering holes to see if they’d ever consider carrying it.

Have you guys heard of Klout? It’s a new social media influence-compiler that takes all of the data produced by you on your various social networking accounts and grades you out based on link-clickage and page views and follows and likes. Like Google Analytics, BUT FOR YOUR VERY DIGITAL ESSENCE. I can’t decide if this is awesome or horrible. Probably both; the social media equivalent of watching some other dude get hit in the balls with some sort of object.

Here’s why it’s awesome:

Klout is new, so it has that “new app smell”, and it satisfies a navel-gazing urge and desire to have my ego stroked.

Here’s why it isn’t:

Klout is also pretty much a robot. And if a robot just rolled into your job or class wearing the coolest new clothes (mine, for instance), you’d probably want to hang out with it. But then it opens its mouth/switches on its speech facilitatrix, and just spews weird, random analysis of you based on what it sees with zero context. All of a sudden the cool new robot with the fly kicks seems a lot more like someone you’d like to shake down for lunch money.

For example:

That’s me. 29. My whole online existence, boiled down to a single (relatively low) number. High compared to my friends, but I rank lower than a lot of back-up outfielders on small-market National League baseball teams (how does Nyjer-f@#king-Morgan score a 57?!)

But check out the five topics I’m supposedly “influential” about:

1. Homelessness
2. Animals
3. Money
4. Billy Joel
5. Mystery

Let’s break it down: “homelessness” and “animals” should be paired together; my love of shelter pets and work with the SPCA is pretty well-known. Money…well, let’s just say that I always thought in order to be influential regarding that, you had to actually HAVE some. Klout thinks I’m Warren Buffet over here.

Billy Joel; OK, fair enough. I love The Piano Man. Apparently so much that he is the thing I care fourth-most about IN ALL THE WORLD. My wife, my cats, art, baseball, comics…don’t even make the list. And “mystery”?! I get that Klout is probably just picking up on the frequency of my Mystery Monday posts, but believing I’m influential about something as abstract as “mystery” is like saying you can actually “win” against terror.

Robots: awesome, but stupid.

FURTHERMORE, Klout believes that I am a.) not really all that influential, and b.) am only really influenced by ALCOHOL:

True though it may be, I don’t really need to be reminded of it by some douchey robot (whose shoes really aren’t all that great anyway). That’s right—my only influencer is Bad Decisions. My favorite bar.

Whatever. At least I’m not alone; Bad Decisions has a Klout score of 51, so clearly there are many other drunken Billy Joel fans with an air of mystery about them. I just need to find them.

In completely unrelated news, I’ve posted two new designs: Pirate Bunnies, and Ghost World. Snap ‘em up!

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(Via ForkParty.com)

In honor of today being Cinco de Mayo, I’ve created some free downloadable beer charms to help you keep your drinks straight as the night wears on (a tricky endeavor, to say the least.) Just click on over to my freebies page and download one (or all) of the three themed sets so your fiesta guests remain cootie-free this afternoon and evening! Each printable set includes six charms (perfect for that six-pack you’re picking up on the way home) featuring fun Ex-Boyfriend characters from my designs, including kawaii guys, cute critters, and adorable monsters!

¡Salut!

Wow. If ever there was a creation that embodied “arrested development”, it would have to be the Octane 120 Driving Arcade. Developed by Dream Arcades, the structure houses an HD projection unit for displaying a selected game on the wall, as well as a built-in housing for two 5-gallon kegs or one 1/2 barrel keg. It also features TWO taps; one behind the driver’s seat for use by those waiting their turn to play, and one to the right of the steering wheel so the user can pour and drink WHILE THEY PLAY. Talk about a Hedonism Bot! However, chances are that drinking while driving, even if it’s in a video game, results in a pretty short turn.

This is a really cool idea that I hope gets enough traction that it spreads to all the major cities around the world: a website (and app) that allows bar-hoppers to check in on watering holes to see just how busy they are. BarSpace.tv is a new-ish service that allows bar and pub owners to set up and broadcast live webcam streams of their establishments for members to peruse when trying to decide where to go get their drink on.

As a consumer (both in general, and of alcohol specifically), this is a great idea. I really hope BarSpace makes in-roads in places around the country (currently they only have member-bars in seven states) and internationally, because it’ll allow my cranky, misanthropic ass to find the emptiest, quietest place to get blitzed in no matter where I am. But on the flip-side, it also allows those of you who prefer a more happening environment to do your drinking in a suitably jumping place.

BarSpace is a subscription-based service that’s free for users (bar owners do pay a monthly fee, but this includes the set-up of the feed, as well as access to mailing lists to send out vouchers and notifications about events and specials to users, and the option to send out text-blasts as well. It’s pretty useless to me unless I’m traveling, as they don’t have any member-bars in Maryland (yet), but for those of you in the aforementioned seven states, it might be cool to devote a few megabytes on your smart-phones for this app.

In general, I’m kind of a pushover. I really love pleasing people; even complete strangers. Working for 8 years in retail only made this condition worse: I was trained from an early age to please people above all else.

And it’s a tough habit to shake; even now, I straighten messy shelves in stores, put things where they belong if I find them out of place (to my wife’s chagrin, this does not extend to our home), and say “please”, “thank you”, and “have a nice day” with the kind of sincerity and frequency that would make Oscar The Grouch vomit all over the inside of his trashcan.

Therefore, it’s incredibly jarring when I see people (grown adults mind you, not children) behaving badly in public. Being rude to servers and desk clerks, causing scenes, using coarse language when kids are within earshot. Unfortunately, this sort of thing happens in pretty much every possible social situation across the board, but seems to be especially prevalent in restaurants and bars. So when we were at our favorite bar a few weeks back and chatting with Chris and Ana, a couple of the bartenders who were off for the evening and just there for a couple of drinks, we asked what customers did that most annoyed them. I thought it would make a good blog post, and since it’s of the list variety, it allows me to discuss booze TWICE this week!

And so, the top five things that will piss off your bartender:

5. Getting pissy if something you want isn’t available, no matter how common: “We had this guy that came in a few days in a row. Each time, he asked for Bud Light. Each time, I explained that we didn’t have any. I finally kinda lost it and just said, “Sir, we don’t CARRY it. We will NEVER carry it. I can get you something better, but I can’t get you that.”"

4. Don’t haggle over the cost of a drink: “There’s an extremely annoying regular at the other bar I work at, and one time he ordered a drink and asked for it to be made with a specific brand of rum. I explained that we didn’t have that, but I could make it with something else. He agreed, but then when it was time for him to pay his tab, he started trying to haggle with me because he “knew” the substitute rum was less-expensive than what he’d originally requested. It costs what it costs; this isn’t a flea market.”

3. Trust your bartender: “This doesn’t annoy us as much as it makes us laugh, but when you come up to the bar and ask for, say, a round of Cuervo shots, and we explain we don’t have any, but we have something better that costs the same, and then you give us a skeptical look and say “Better than Cuervo?” as though we’re mad, it cracks us up.” Bartenders drink. A lot. And yes, there are some spirits that are empirically better-tasting than the stuff that’s widely-available and heavily-advertised. Trust your bartenders, they won’t steer you wrong; after all, they want your tips.

2. Don’t be a cheapskate: “Thank you’s” are nice, but they don’t pay the rent. And I’m not saying you should empty your wallets for a guy or girl that’s just popping the top off a bottle and handing it to you without so much as a smile, but tipping is how we do things in America. 15% of the tab is acceptable, but I always shoot for 20%. 25% if the service is great and I’m friendly with the staff (which it usually is and I usually am at Bad Decisions).

1. It’s not your TV, so don’t ask for the remote: Unless you’re in what can reasonably be termed a “sports bar”, don’t bug the bartender about changing the channel. If you want to scream at the television for three hours while replacing the blood in your body with a crappy domestic light beer, go to the sports bar across the street or just stay home. If you walk into a quiet place and everyone is laughing at an episode of Archer or Chappelle’s Show, you are probably in the wrong place to begin with.

Sometimes it can be hard reconciling the fun stuff I used to do in my early 20s with the cultural norms of what is “acceptable” behavior as I get older, so it’s always nice when artisans facilitate the transition for me.

Hence, this awesome custom-made beer pong table from Chippewa Five.

Custom designed and built Beer Pong Table. Exterior Surfaces are Poplar wood. Legs are dining-quality cast iron. Body is seamless, free of any visible screws and/or nails. Wiring for light-up Beer Pong Cup set up is completely internal and plugs into power source on bottom of leg. Triangles are red plexiglass and lit by long-lasting LED lights (no heat emission). Rear panels detach for maintenance. On/off switch is under-mounted.

I was never in a frat, but I do love collegiate drinking staples like beer pong and flip cup. There is something about competition that can make even the shittiest domestic light beers delicious.

So much new art to share with you today, you guys. First, there’s Whale Trip, a lysergic odyssey of large proportions. Then, there’s International Boozing; the globe, re-imagined for those of us who do most of our cultural explorations with our livers:

But the art train doesn’t stop there! We have FIVE new designs from guest artist Hidden Eloise! The Last Red Rose, Baroness, The Pearl, Longing, and I’ll Make The Ocean My Home: