Image via American Apparel ad

If Russian mail order brides aren’t your thing, consider Hipster Wife Hunting. It’s like Suicide Girls but with less nudity and more boring chatter about bands you’ve never heard of. Nearly everyone is from Brooklyn, of course, so you’ll probably need to relocate to date these honeys. Never mind, what am I saying? If you want to date these women you’re probably already in Brooklyn. Now just make sure you’ve got:
- ironic facial hair
- track bike
- nautical star tattoos

I think my favorite potential hipster wife is Hospital, so nicknamed because she “shuffles around like a mental patient sometimes”. She also says she has “toe thumbs”. Anyone else getting turned on? And not to be shallow or anything, but she’d definitely divorce you if she didn’t care for one of the albums in your music collection. Fair enough.

Ladies, if you’re in the market you can submit your pictures. Now all you need are some weird looking wedding photos and a wedding dress from Urban Outfitters and you’re all set.