About 2 weeks ago I mentioned that I am doing a special fundraiser for the MD SPCA. To help raise more cash for the critters I’ve released a new line of bottle opener keychains. Purchase one any time before April 17th and 100% of the net profits will be donated to the MD SPCA. The bottle openers will ship separately from apparel so rather than charge you guys for shipping twice, we’re just shipping bottle openers for FREE.

So please order a bottle opener. Spread the word, tell your friends, Tweet it, Facebook it, etc.  You can put one of these on your key ring, in your bar or hang onto them to give as hostess gifts or holiday stocking stuffers.

You can also make a direct donation to the MD SPCA on my March for the Animals page.

To many of you out their in adult-beverage-land a lemondrop is a shot. An ounce of icy vodka followed by a bite of sugar dipped lemon wedge. All fun and games until someone loses their lunch. For more refined sweet/tart goodness, consider a lemondrop martini.  The icy booze with the pucker of lemon and sugary sweet finish makes for a delightful little drink. You’ll find me throwing a few back on my patio as soon as the temperatures make their way past 75 F.

Make yourself a Lemondrop:
1. Cut a lemon into 4 equal wedges and moisten two martini glasses around the rim with juice from the wedges.

2. Rim the moistened martini glasses with superfine sugar and set aside

3. Combine the following in your cocktail shaker:

• 3 oz chilled vodka
• 1 oz Cointreau
• 2 Tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
• 2 Tablespoons superfine sugar (plus extra for rimming your glasses)
• ice

4. Shake to combine ingredients in shaker and then evenly divide the martini into two glasses.

5. Top off with a splash of seltzer for a little added sparkle and serve immediately.

Did anyone else catch the amazing article on Slate last week about the US government’s poison-the-citizens initiative during prohibition? Apparently the US government was so angered by illegal booze consumption that officials ordered the poisoning of industrial alcohol. (Industrial alcohol was regularly stolen by bootleggers and resold as drinkable spirits.) The government believed this scare tactic would get people to give up the drink. Instead, the poisoning killed an estimated 10,000 people. Way to go, Uncle Sam. Any one else thankful to be living in a time where we can enjoy a cocktail without the government trying to kill us over it? I’ll toast to that.

And what shall we drink? How about a Poisoned Apple?

Just combine 1 oz rum with 1 oz Sour Apple Pucker. Top off with Sprite and serve over ice.

Wow. Maybe old people are right when they whine about how much better the past was! I especially love that slogan: “Night-before feeling on the morning after.” This is a good thing? This is something people craved back in the day? “Gee, I really miss the refreshing, clean sensation of irresponsibility and danger I so thoroughly enjoyed last night… if only there was a product that captured that same feeling, but was socially acceptable for me to enjoy throughout the day?” The perfect lead-in to that three-martini lunch with the swell fellows from accounting!

Next stop: Wino-town. For serious alcoholics, the only reasonable follow-up would be this absinthe dental floss. Lushtastic.

If you’re like me, you’ve spent a good part of your week shoveling snow in the frigid winter air. After a few back breaking hours of manual labor, it’s time to unwind with a drink. A crisp refreshing vodka tonic isn’t quite the right way to go. When it’s this cold outside, you need something a take the chill off. My suggestion is a Nutty Siberian. Yes, I just made it up. It’s got vodka (Russian) and hazelnut (nutty), thus it’s a Nutty Siberian. Here’s what’s in it:

Nutty Siberian
5 oz very hot coffee from your French press
1 oz vanilla vodka (I use Stoli)
1 oz Frangelico
1 oz coffee liqueur
1 oz cream (or Silk non-dairy creamer if you’re vegan/lactose intolerant)

Combine the gredients in a cocktail shaker. Pour into a coffee mug and serve right away.

Note: If you normally keep your booze in the freezer you may want to pull it out and get it room temperature before you prepare your drink. Otherwise the chilled booze might take all the warmth out of your drinks.

For extra fanciness you can combine the top 4 ingredients in a shaker. Froth the cream separately and then use that to top off the drink.

Got a go-to cold weather cocktail? What’s your favorite?

Because I refer to colors as “Prussian blue” or “pewter” and tend to wear a lot of argyle, I’ve become pretty adept at defending my masculinity throughout my life. But I never imagined I’d have to do so against my own wife.

A few months ago she scoffed at me when I ordered myself a White Russian. Apparently White Russians fall squarely into the “Girly” category of adult beverages. This came as news to me, considering that The Big Lebowski played an integral role in my transition from boyhood to manhood. Here’s a guy who roadied for Metallica, knocks up Julianne Moore, listens to CCR and makes liberal use of the F-word in his daily discourse. Sounds pretty freaking manly to me.

But NOOOOO, ordering a White Russian puts me one cocktail umbrella and/or sword away from being a girl drink drunk.

And thus, an oldie (but a goody.)

White Russian:

1 1/2 oz Vodka
3/4 oz Kahlua
3/4 oz Light Cream or Milk

Add ice to an old-fashioned glass.
Mix the vodka and Kahlua together then float the cream on top.

What do you say readers? White Russian is a manly libation or is it strictly for the ladies? What exactly makes it girlie anyway?

DIY booze is all the rage, from home brewing to home infusing. While cucumbers marinate in a vodka bath over my fridge, my attentions turn to sweeter stuff. Specifically Baileys. In our vegan household, we’re always interested in ways to veganize foods we’ve abandoned, so below is a recipe for homemade Baileys (along with substitutions to create vegan Baileys if you so desire). Recipe via Cupcake Project.

Ingredients:

• 1 cup light or heavy cream  (VEGANIZE: Soyatoo Whipping Cream or Silk Non Dairy Creamer)
• 14 oz sweetened condensed milk (VEGANIZE: Use melted vegan vanilla ice cream)
• 1 2/3 cup Irish whiskey
• 1 teaspoon instant coffee
• 2 Tablespoon chocolate syrup
• 1 teaspoon vanilla

1. Combine all ingredients in a blender and set on high speed for 30 seconds.
2. Bottle in a tightly sealed container and refrigerate. Shake before using.
3. Will keep for up to 2 months.

Bottoms up

Next decision, what to do with our new boozy sugary creation. Go a favorite recipe with Baileys? Let me know.

Do you love getting drunk but hate the pukey, headachey morning after? Well, science has, once again, stepped up to the plate! Scientists are now developing a booze substitute that gives you a buzz, but won’t get you totally falling down hammered or give you a hangover. Imagine, those nights of dancing on the bar and waking up next to a complete stranger could be a thing of the past. As an added bonus, the fake booze will come with an “off” pill, so you can drink up during your lunch break and return to your job as a forklift operator immediately after.

The fake booze is being designed using chemicals related to Valium. It will work like booze on the brain, providing a feeling of relaxation and happiness. Unlike real booze, the impostor version won’t cause mood swings or addiction. Sounds like a win-win I guess. Thanks, science? I just hope fake booze will be as delicious as the original.

While we’re on the subject of fun with booze, my wife and I are going on vacation in May! (Vacation usually involves a fair amount of adult beverage consumption). We are going to Reykjavik, London and Amsterdam! If you have tips on any of these locales (or live there and want to join us for a beer) let me know. I’ve never been to any of these cities so I would love to hear your suggestions on what to do, where to go drinking or where to stay.

P.S. Many thanks to Modern Cat for featuring us today! I know lots of our readers are as crazy for kitties as we are, so take a gander at this kitty related blog. We’re doing a tee giveaway over there too, so be sure to check that out.

My wife brought this product to my attention the other day, and it’s about as compelling as a train wreck; it’s extremely disturbing on a couple of levels, but also gnarly in a cool way, making me want to experience it myself, if only to survive it.

Spike Your Juice™ is a revolutionary home fermenting kit, created to allow you, the average consumer, to turn your favorite juice beverage into a fizzy, boozy libation. I’m envisioning a cross between the Izze brand softdrinks and Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill.

I have to admit that this is about as enticing as it gets for me; I love booze, and have often thought about getting into home brewing, but it’s an expensive hobby, and is essentially an exercise in delayed gratification. For those of you who arrived late, I design t-shirts about drinking, making out and eating donuts for a living—I don’t do delayed gratification. It’s for suckers.

But now, thanks to “a group of Europeans living in California” (specificity is for wusses!), I can turn any ol’ bottle of cran-grape into a delicious jug o’ moonshine. My dreams are about to become realities!

That said… why is this stuff marketed and packaged as though it’s meant for children? There is Comic Sans all over the box! It’s peppered with bouncing balls and fizzy bubbles! It’s covered in bold, bright colors! Everything about this product’s packaging screams “Hey kids, let’s have some FUN!” Then again, my mother’s preferred method of lulling me to sleep as a child when we had guests over involved footy PJs and a Bartles & James wine cooler….

If you’re more of a booze hound than a beer snob, this NY Times story about locally distilled absinthe might spark your interest. The article covers the indie booze-brewing adventures of a New York absinthe maker, including a florid description of her product made using “fennel, anise, hyssop, lemon balm, lemon thyme and violet.” Evocative, no?

The last (and only) time I sampled absinthe was on vacation in Prague. We went to a bar called Marquis de Sade and enjoyed  absinthe shots, complete with fire and sugar cubes. (As my friend Tom once said as we drove to a bonfire party at our high school, “Dude, when I think of the two coolest things in the world…they’re both fire.”) As a British ex-pat played Who covers on an acoustic guitar, we got so completely hammered with another couple vacationing from Slovenia that it took us 2 hours to find our hotel, which was about a 10 minute walk from the bar.

Apparently, in my very drunk state I happened upon the guy who served us breakfast earlier that day and shouted “Hey! Waffle Guy!” and then proceeded to slur at him about soccer and the European hockey championship (the Czech Republic’s national team was contending that year). The next morning we got breakfast again at the same cafe, but by then memories of the night before were lost in the haze of a hangover (I believe that’s called a “blackout”). All I knew was that the waiter was giving me the hairy eyeball throughout breakfast. Don’t get me wrong, I love flattery no matter the orientation. But the intense staring was seriously creeping me out. When I pointed this out to my wife she said “Oh yeah, I think you yelled at him around 2am about waffles and soccer.”

Thanks for the memories, Green Fairy.