We watch a lot of cable news in our household. We like to be informed. Mostly we watch MSNBC because we’re such bleeding heart commies, but I digress. Anyway, you know you watch too much cable news when their anchors start showing up in your dreams. Last night I had a dream that Campbell Brown, Anderson Cooper, Dana Bash, Wolf Blitzer and Lou Dobbs all broke into my house.

I was walking up to my place and saw that most of them were hanging out on the stoop watching out for cops. Lou Dobbs was inside looting the place. He’d broken in with a crowbar. He’d totally busted up my front door which I’d just recently replaced. I was pretty pissed. I cornered Lou Dobbs and told him to get the fuck out. I told him I’d just bought a brand new front door and he’d broken it. I went on to tell him that since my house is ancient, I had to have that door custom-made for my non-standard doorway and it was extra expensive. He pulled out his wallet and tried to offer me $3.00. (What kind of burglar offers to pay for the damage he’s done? Lou Fucking Dobbs, that’s who.) I told him I didn’t want his lousy $3.00, I just wanted him gone and told him that this is why his ratings suck and he’ll probably get canceled.

So yeah, a street gang comprised of CNN hosts is pretty ridiculous. Dorkiest gang ever. Of course it’s even dorkier that I had a dream about CNN hosts instead of real celebrities. I need to start watching more E! or something so I can dream about ice skating with Kardashians and Ryan Seacrest. Otherwise, I wish at least Rachel Maddow would pop into my dreams. I hear she makes a mean martini.