Things have been a little hectic here at Ex-Boyfriend HQ but nothing alleviates the tension like a face this cute. Red pandas are absurdly cute. This little guy lives at the Houston zoo.

My girl and I have started volunteering as foster parents for the SPCA, a local animal rescue that we volunteer for and support. Our first foster critter arrived today. Her name is Olita and she’s a cutie. Here’s a pic:

For months all I’ve been hearing about is Twilight. TWILIGHT TWILIGHT TWILIGHT! The kids love it. So when it finally came out on DVD yesterday (I say “finally”, even though it just premiered in theaters in November. Remember waiting almost a year for movies to come out on video?), we rented it. I can now say with all confidence that Twilight is the worst movie of all time. And I say this having seen some really bad movies. I watched this movie called Werewolves on Wheels once, and there weren’t even any werewolves. It was just dudes on motorcycles. There was one werewolf at the very end, and the costume was cheap and blurred by bad camera work. NO GOOD. Anyway, I digress. Twilight sucked.

The characters were stupid and unlikable. The dialogue was so bad we actually laughed out loud every time anyone in this movie spoke, and the thinly-veiled subtext likening male sexuality to the predatory nature of vampirism is offensive to pretty much everyone.

Why do teen girls like this Edward Cullen character? He alternates between being rude and creepy, two qualities I don’t typically imagine are associated with being a sex symbol. Unless you are either Crispin Glover or Marilyn Manson. And even then, you’re talking about a sociological niche sex symbol for whom said sexiness is agreed upon by only the smallest group of Sandman-reading goth girls. Take, for example, the scene in which vampy-pants shows up in his girlfriend’s bedroom uninvited (Yes, in this movie, vamps can enter without being invited. SCREW YOUR POSTMODERN DECONSTRUCTION OF VAMPIRE LORE, STEPHENIE MEYER.) She wants to know what he’s doing there. He explains that he’s been breaking into her bedroom for months and watching her sleep. Um, what? Any remotely sane person would be terrified by this explanation and pull out the pepper spray (which, in the film, has been handily provided by Bella’s father, not once, but TWICE.) That is how creepy Edward Cullen is. If creepiness were rated on a scale of 0 to 2 using cans of pepper spray (and it is, for the purposes of this blog post), Edward Cullen would be getting two cans of pepper spray. CREEPIEST. So this twit Bella finds his stalking irresistibly sexy and wants to make out with him. Of course. Because that’s what you do when you find strange dudes in your bedroom, leering over you as you sleep. You assert yourself by sticking your tongue in his mouth.

Of course, once the make out starts, vampy gets overexcited and must stop, to preserve his girl’s innocence. Again, there’s that lame sexual metaphor. Don’t kiss a boy, because when boys get excited they turn into uncontrollable monsters and want to ruin you with their dicks fangs.

Also, why the hell are these vampires allowed out during the day? Isn’t that rule #1 for vamps? No sunlight? When Edward is “coming out” to his beloved about his bloodsucking ways, he’s telling her how he’s all evil and stuff, and she should stay away. Like the moron that she is, his girlfriend is unimpressed by his warnings. Then, very dramatically, Edward says “YOU SHOULD SEE WHAT I REALLY LOOK LIKE! IN THE SUNLIGHT!” I am thinking, great, finally, we get to see fangs and horns and stuff. Guess what? He fucking sparkles, like a homo-sexy unicorn. Vampires are not supposed to sparkle in sunlight. They are supposed to burst into flames. CINEMATIC FAIL.

In fact, this movie makes me very thankful I do not have kids. Because if I had a teen, I don’t think I’d let them see this movie. Not because I’m an uptight prude; I’d just rather let my kid watch any Judd Apatow or Kevin Smith movie. At least there is a semblance of realism at play in those films in the way the characters romantically interact. The problem here is that the kids find Edward and his douchey behavior admirable; guys are supposed to want to be him, and the girls are supposed to want to be with him. That isn’t an idea any impressionable youth should entertain, in my opinion. Ladies, if you meet a guy who acts like Edward Cullen, two words: RESTRAINING ORDER.

Finally, Edward’s “family” in this movie play baseball as a recreational pursuit. WTF?! Vampires do not play baseball, Stephenie Meyer. Everyone knows this.

I give this movie -1000 stars.Or +2 pepper sprays. They amount to the same thing.

Lately I’ve been reading a few web comics and it got me thinking about how this blog has become more rant and less illustration. Although most of my sketchpad is dedicated to t-shirt designs, I’ve decided to branch out and throw in some comic strip fun. So here’s my first of hopefully many absurd comics, featuring Medusa at the beauty salon.

If you like my new comic you can vote for it over at Top Web Comics.

I am not sure that I want to file this under “Artists I Like” but maybe under artists I find interesting. I don’t think I’d want to own a sculpture by Daniel Edwards but I like what he does. He’s provocative and let’s face it, provocative art is more exciting than pretty art. You may not know the name, but Daniel Edwards was the artist that caused stir a few years ago with his giant sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth.

His new piece is equally creepy and worthy of chatter, he’s captured the infamous octomom with her brood in an icky pepto shade of pink.

Alright, so no one wants to put a piece like this in their living room. This intersection of sculpture and pop culture has tongues wagging about an artist and his work every place from the snooty art scene to gossip rags.

If there is one thing we love at Ex-Boyfriend HQ it’s absurd humor, which is why we loved Space Ghost Coast to Coast so much. Although the show has long since been canceled, and they refuse to put the entire series out on DVD, I’ve discovered that you can pretty much find all of the episodes on YouTube. Ahh the internet… This week I designed a couple of tees inspired by products featured on SGC2C, I also linked the episodes they’re from, in case you missed ‘em. They are a couple of my favorites and definitely worth watching.

Also new, scooters!

OK, so the month isn’t exactly “new” at this point, but it’s new enough to mention its newness in conjunction with my new art. We got a ton of snow (not really, but a fair amount for Baltimore) last weekend, so I spent the time indoors churning out some new stuff.

First, there’s our super-cool “Mod” design, featuring the iconic Royal Air Force roundel in a stylish distressed treatment:

Then, we have a new addition to our Bromance line, this time featuring the fine sport of American football. I’m really excited by this line, because sports are sooo homoerotic, the possibilities are just endless. The next thing you know, Ex-Boyfriend will sell nothing but tees featuring dude in spandex slapping each others’ asses.

There’s the continuation of our mean shapes line, which we’ll continue to add to as the insults come to us…

Also, feel free to express love of yourself and New England with this cute new tee. Let everyone you meet know who really calls the shots!

We also decided to dust off an older concept and re-design it—check out our flirty new Intramural Cougar Hunter tee! For similar intramural re-designs, look up our Time Traveler, Cuddler, and Supervillain tees.

Finally, turn the tables on all the Michael Scott wannabe’s in your life and sport this new design while telling the latest crass joke you heard at the water cooler.

That’s it for this week, but check back soon (really. Like, next-week-soon) for more new designs!