Actual proof my cats secretly like each other. They are usually trying to murder each other, but once in a while they set aside their differences for a kitty make out.
We got Sadie to rock an Intramural Cuddler pet t-shirt, but she only wanted to show her cute mug to the camera, so we couldn’t really get a picture of her shirt. She looks cute any way.
1. Negative Calorie Cupcakes
Delicious chocolate cupcakes with a mountain of fluffy white frosting that cause weight loss and toned chiseled muscles. I will eat these while lazing on the couch and never go to the gym again.
2. A George Jetson Car
I need a car that not only flies, but also folds into a brief case when I am not driving it. Of course the car would have zero emissions and amazing crash test safety ratings.
In lieu of a Jetsonmobile, I would also happily accept a flying dragon like the one from Neverending Story. Flying dragons are way better than sitting in traffic and pretty low on emissions (depending on how you view dragon poo.)
3. Robot Housekeeper
A small friendly robot that will fold laundry, load and unload the dishwasher, sweep and mop the floor, scrub the bathtub and change the cat’s litter.
4. Super booze
Some awesome new form of vodka flavored beverage that will allow me to get super drunk without the annoyance of those pesky hang overs. Super booze would also have zero calories and temporarily give me x-ray vision. Helloooo ladies…
5. World peace
P.S. My girl made me come to spin class at the gym yesterday, and the guy who teaches this class loves Creed and Matchbox 20 and he often sings along with his eyes closed. For real!
I am not sure which is more distressing parents abandoning their kids because they can’t take care of them or people abandoning their pets because they can’t take care of them. I think I feel worse for the critters since they can’t possibly understand what’s going on and they often end up dead, injured or worse when people dump them. We don’t “euthanize” unwanted kids or use them for experimentation in labs.
I can’t imagine giving up my kitties. If I lived in a cardboard box I’d still share it with them. I know times are really really awful for people but I wish everyone would think a little more about what they’re doing to creatures that can’t take care of themselves at all.
1. Driving around town very slowly in a very large vehicle
When I am old I will speed around town like Evil Knievel on a vespa, and let me tell you why. For starters I will be old already and close to death, so getting into a fatal crash won’t be a real concern. Also, old people are short on time so who wants to waste it getting from point A to point B. Finally, I am going to need a vespa because they are more fun and you can park them any where. Who wants to be bothered with looking for parking when you’ve only got a few years left?
2. Sobriety
This may actually be something I don’t understand about young people. Ever notice that pot heads and people wacked out on X tend to be young? I am going to do drugs when I’m 80. Right now, I need my brain to work since I will be using it for a few more decades. By the time I get old, my brain will probably not be firing on all cylinders any way. At that point you may as well indulge in all those fun drugs people tell you not to do because they’ll make you stupid.
3. Eating Habits
They eat prunes, they eat dinner at 4pm. What is up with all of that? When I am old I won’t care about eating healthy. The only reason I care now is so that I can look my best. By the time I get old I won’t look my best, so that is the time to load up up on cheese fries and chocolate cake, especially late at night when my pot smoking munchies will be most likely to kick in.
4. Shuffleboard and Bridge
Old people seem to like pretty safe dull activities like kitting. I say old age is the time to take up stupid, potentially life-threatening hobbies like sky diving. You don’t have all that many years ahead so if things are cut a little short, no big deal.
5. Rising at Dawn
What is with getting up so early? There isn’t a thing to do at 5am and even if there was, it is not more fun than laying around in bed, particularly with a sack of potato chips and a remote control. Most of the elderly are out of bed at sunrise and alseep by prime time. When I am old I will be snorting cocaine off of strippers until sunrise and then passed out with a hang over until well into the afternoon.
