I am in love. Today while cruising the web I discovered Captain Dan & The Scurvy Crew (via Indie Parade blog). They’re a highly amusing novelty hip hop crew with a pirate theme. If you’re into Paul Barman or Kool Keith or Ugly Duckling, you will find these guys delightful. Even if you’re not normally a novelty rap fan, you kind of have to admit that pirate rappers make sense. I mean pirates are the original gangstas, no? For your viewing pleasure, there are even videos!

Sadly, their Myspace indicates that they won’t be in my town any time soon so I will have to stick to interweb stalking them for now. What’s all the more disappointing is that my enthusiasm for show-going has been weak these days, and pirate rappers are obviously what I need to get back into gear. Hopefully these guys will be going on a lengthier tour in the near future.

This rocks! It’s an animal sanctuary that is no-kill and cage free. I often get down about the way animals are treated in our society and it makes me sad that so many lovable critters waste away in shelters. This video lifted my spirits.

I am both a foodie and vain. This is a real problem. It’s kinda like being a meth head and a fitness fanatic. These two interests are at odds. As a result of my condition I am usually in one of two modes, hedonism or penance. For weeks, or even months, I’ll indulge in my foodie proclivities. I’ll eat sun-dried tomato and artichoke heart pizzas and my girlfriend’s amazing chai latte cupcakes. Then the guilt sets in, and my pants get snug, and I realize it’s time to pay for my sins.

Currently, I’m in serious diet mode. I’ve gained like 10 lbs! I don’t know how I let this happen. Well, yes I do, my girlfriend and I are both great cooks and I’ve been too busy with school and work to hit the gym. I also eat too many fucking cookies.

My girl and I are both dieting. Misery loves company. We’re trying to stick to 1200 calories per day and at least 180 minutes per week at the gym. While doing hard time, gastronomically speaking, I have only one thing on my mind and it’s junk food.

Why is it that as soon as I’m on a diet I can think of nothing but HoHos and Doritos? I don’t even like these things or eat them when I’m not dieting. Suddenly every TV commercial for awful food practically gives me a boner.  Things I am most desperate to eat right now:
1. Mac N Cheese
2. Nachos
3. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
4. Reeses Peanut Butter Cups
5. French Fries (with a gallon of ketchup)

At least sex doesn’t have any calories, thank goodness.

I am a full blow TV addict, I admit it. In addition to acceptable programs like 30 Days and Heroes, I watch a lot of trash. I watched Rock of Love, I watched Beauty and the Geek, I watch The Girls Next Door (usually cringing). All of this said, a line needs to be drawn. There are some things I just refuse to watch. For example, who the hell actually wants to watch a reality show about Denise Richards? For all the crap I am willing to watch, I do not need this. I also do not want to watch a show about the Lohans.

In a perfect world reality TV would mold to my true interests and there would be more My Life on the D List and less I Love New York. If I had my way the following people would have TV shows:

1. Perez Hilton
Yes, the Queen of All Media, has What Perez Says and it’s fucking awesome but it’s far too infrequent. Perez is a riot and really needs a show of his own. Please, E, get rid of Denise and give Perez a show.

2. John Waters
I could just sit and listen to John Waters talk for hours. He’s smart and and funny and talks like the college professor I wish I had. I love his ability to make lofty cultural observations about things like pubic hair. I’d be perfectly content to watch him in reality show or talk show format.

3. Samantha Bee
Sam cracks me up every time we see her on Daily Show. If only she’d stop getting pregnant every five minutes so I could be more entertained.

4. Bruce Campbell
Bruce Campbell is pretty entertaining and it’s a damn shame that he’s mostly obscure as far as the mainstream goes. Why is fucking Heidi Montag more famous than he is?

5. Mountain Lions
Okay, they aren’t actually people, but they should have a show. What’s up with all the dog love, Animal Planet? Don’t get me wrong, I like dogs, but mountain lions are pretty damn cool and I’d prefer them to say, Groomer Has It. No one wants to learn about the secret lives of dog groomers, every one wants to know more about the secret lives of mountain lions.

As a side note, can any one tell me why American Idol is so much more popular than America’s Best Dance Crew? Breakdancing in rollerskates is awesome, karaoke singing, not so much.